The S.S. Drainpipe (once called The Red Badger of Courage)

Episode written by Michael P. Nelson and Burt Brown

Summary by Julie Bihn

A toy boat is zipping by in a small pond. A little boy is controlling it with a radio controller. Suddenly, the boat goes into a circular metal storm drain. "What happened to my boat?" the boy whines. There is a shot of the boat, stopped, in the drain. The boat, without its motor making noise, moves into the drain, hidden from view.

Cut to exterior of Ranger headquarters. Inside, Chip, Dale, Zipper, and Monty are watching television. A plane is on the screen, with a flamboyant gray badger with a red suit and blue cape and mask, and a tuft of black hair, holding onto the back of it. A shady looking dog (?) with a hat covering his eyes is flying.

"Come on, Red Badger! Catch that crook!" shouts Dale, punching the air.

"You cannot escape, you doer of bad deeds!" states the television hero in a deep voice. "I'll stop you, or my name isn't...The Red Badger of Courage!"

"You'll never bring me to justice, you cap-ed (that's how he says it!) creep! I'll jump first!" says the dog. He does so.

:"Don't try this at home, Badger buddies," warns the hero. "Only cartoon superheroes can leap from airplanes and live to show and tell about it." The Red Badger jumps from the plane.

Dale looks very worried; he grabs Monty's arm. "Oh, no!" cries Dale. "The Red Badger will never get out of this one! He'll be street pizza!"

The Red Badger catches the crook by the arms on the way down, then pulls a string from under his cape, releasing a parachute.

"He did it!" Dale jumps up from the couch.

In a close-up, The Red Badger says, "See you next week, Red Badger buddies! Same Badger time, same Badger channel."

"Boy oh boy, what a hero!" says Dale, getting up and turning off the television.

Monterey adds, "We could sure use a brave bloke like that in the Rescue Rangers!" Zipper nods.

"I bet I could be just like the Red Badger!" shouts Dale, brandishing a thick, flat splinter.

"You?" Chip asks skeptically.

"Sure! I'm his A-#1 fan! I know all his best moves!" Dale waves the splinter and hops on the Rangers' table, made of a what looks like a pink record with a turquoise center, stacked on Tinker Toy spools, and set on a purple pot-holder rug. "I can rescue anyone!" Dale trips, sending the table off its spools, knocking over a teacup chair, and landing with a potted plant (in a walnut shell) on his head.

"Yeah, but who's goin' to rescue you?" asks Monty.

"Take it easy, Dale," says Chip, taking the plant off Dale's head. "The Red Badger is just a cartoon hero. He's not for real!"

Gadget pokes through the arched hallway. "I could use some help if someone's interested."

"Sure!" says Chip, sliding over to Gadget in less than a second.

Dale gets up dejectedly. "Chip's right. I'll never be like the Red Badger of Courage. I'm just plain old me."

Dale enters his and Chip's bedroom. There are three matchboxes rubber-banded together with green rubber bands to form a dresser, with a pink human-sized hand mirror wedged behind it. In the corner is a pencil stuck in a pink eraser; two wire hooks stick out of the pencil's eraser on top. The chipmunks' bed, made of a Tinker Toy frame, cardboard, and sponge mattresses, is not visible. On one of the hooks is a baseball cap. There is a round blue rug with a darker blue center on the floor. Dale looks into the mirror. His reflection fades into the reflection of the Red Badger. "Ease up, Badger Boy," he says.

Dale reels back, and his hair stands up. "Eeh, the Red Badger!"

The Red Badger answers, "Actually, I'm a figment of your subconscious imagination, created by low self-esteem. That, or something you ate." Dale scratches his head. "Never mind. So you want to be a hero like me, eh?"

"You betcha!" Dale yells. He looks sad. "But I'm just a clumsy nobody."

"Chin up, Badger Buddy. Remember my three C's--Courage, confidence, and corn flakes."

"Corn Flakes?"

"My sponsor."

"You think the three C's will help me?"

Chip walks in. "Dale, who are you talking to?"

"Uh...just myself."

"Well, stop it and come outside," Chip says, annoyed. "We're going to take a ride on Gadget's latest invention." His face lights up.

Switch scenes to the foot of the Ranger tree. Gadget, Monty, and Zipper are in a nifty looking vehicle made from a wooden box, four black wheels (the front ones smaller than the front), some nifty looking silver pipes on the sides, a steering wheel colored like a horseshoe magnet, and, most importantly, the front of a dustbuster. "Wow, Gadget. What is this?" asks Dale.

"It's a battery-operated turbocharged dustbuster with reverse polarity, rack-and-pinion steering, and hydrofoil fenders," the inventor replies confidently.

"Er...what does that mean?" Dale asks.

"It means it's fun to ride," says Monty. "So get on!"

The chipmunks get in, heroic Rescue Ranger music starts up, Gadget flips the switch on the front, and the dustbuster front starts sucking. The chipmunks laugh as the vehicle drives off, showing a Ranger symbol on the back. The vehicle zooms by a jewelry store, The camera pans in as a ma shouts, "I've been robbed! It's gone! All of it! Every piece of gold jewelry in the store! I'm wiped out!"

Kirby (the big cop) asks, "Any sign of forced entry? Doors jimmied? Windows broken?"

"Nothing but the display cases," the whiny owner replies.

"Looks like the work of a real mastermind," replies Muldoon.

Switch scenes to the Ranger Dustbuster, which is sputtering. It slows and bumps into a lightpost. "Uh oh," says Gadget. "The batteries are dead. Looks like we'll have to push it back to headquarters." She looks awfully disappointed, considering that, in "Does Pavlov Ring a Bell," she got to steer the Rangermobile while the other Rangers, including Zipper, pulled it.

"No, we won't," corrects Chip, standing and pointing at the air. "Follow me."

Camera pans down a toy store with a big bear in a yellow shirt with red polka dots for its sign. "A toy store is the perfect place to find batteries," notes Chip.

The Rangers enter, and the door automatically opens for them. The clerk is busy stacking boxes behind the counter. "Wowie Zowie! It's the perfect place to find toys, too!" shouts Dale as the camera pans to show the (somewhat roomy and empty) toy store. "Oh boy oh boy oh boy! A Red Badger of Courage doll!" Dale scampers over and climbs a fire truck ladder to get to the Red Badger doll. He takes its cape. Switch to shot of Gadget smiling and the other Rangers look somewhat confused. Switch to Dale wearing the Red Badger of Courage outfit, which somehow fits loosely in the sleeves and legs (the Red Badger's waist is considerably smaller than Dale's) but just fine in the chest (the Red Badger's chest is huge!). Dale is wielding a Red Badger sword, and attacks a robot toy (also with a sword)with a black-and-white target on its chest. Dale's cape flies over his head, but, undaunted, the chipmunk whisks the cape back, then pokes at his robotic enemy, saying, "Take that! And that! Take that, you plastic imposter!" He hits the target, which pops out and sends Dale flying into the Red Badger dolls. The lot of them, and Dale, fall off the shelf (fortunately, Dale lands on top of the stuffed toys). He still says, "Uh!" when he hits.

The surprisingly bitter, chubby toy store worker walks over to the pile of toys (and Dale). "These cheap stuffed toys, always falling down. This one really looks phony!" the clerk says, almost sarcastically. Of course, he is holding Dale.

"Yeow!" squeaks Dale.

The whiny boy enters the toy store, and we see that the clerk has patched pants. "Excuse me, sir. Do you have any remote controlled power boats?" he asks nasally.

"Only the best selection in town," says the clerk, using cheerful sarcasm. "Over here." He gasps, looking at the near-empty window display. "My display models! They're gone! Even the toy ocean liner, the Queen Marie!" He cries.

"Gee, mine disappeared, too, mister," says the kid, surprisingly calmly. "Could you order more?"

"Oh, sure, but it'll take a MONTH for your ship to come in," the man says bitterly.

"Poor kid. I feel sorry for him!" says Chip as Monty lowers down a pair of batteries to him and Gadget.

"Me too," replies Gadget. "Who would wanna steal toy boats?"

Dale comes up, still wearing the Red Badger outfit. "Well, how do I look?"

"Kinda dashing," Gadget smiles, and flutters her eyelids once.

"Kinda red," Monty adds, climbing down a rope.

"Kinda stupid," Chip says. "Stop playing around, Dale!" Chip points accusingly at Dale. "We've got a case to solve: finding those missing boats."

"This is just like the Red Badger in _The Case of the Disappearing Dinghy,_" says Dale.

"Hey, look! A paint scratch!" observes Monty. "It leads from the display case over to that door!"

The Rangers go through the door. "Hey, someone's moved the drain cover," Gadget notes. The Rangers go over to a large drain, uncovered.

"Let's investigate," says Chip. He throws down a rope with a safety pin at the end, and they climb down. They find themselves in some dirt on the banks of the sewers. Zipper points out a floating milk carton, with a cry of, "Hey, over here!" The Rangers hop aboard, Gadget and Chip eagerly bearing white spoons. Monty pushes them off.

"Let her rip, Zip," says Chip, and the fly salutes, then gives the milk carton a push. He must be propelling the boat as well, because, as a rat family on a box come into view in their path, Chip gasps and says, "Zipper, slow down or we'll--AAAH!" They crash into the box--the rat family consists of a gray male in a brown hat, blue turtleneck, and dark blue vest, a brown wife with darker brown hair, a peach wrap on her head and a magenta shirt with a purple button, and a gray little boy rat with a tuft of brown hair, a red-and-blue baseball cap and a blue and dark-blue striped shirt. The impact sends one of the rats' packages flying off their boat.

"Now look what you've done," says the father, angrily, pointing to the package floating in the sewage.

"Sorry," says Gadget.

"Mommy, it's the Red Badger of Courage!" shouts the young rat, pointing at Dale. Dale puffs out proudly. Chip stares for a moment, then says, "No, we're the Rescue Rangers! We're investigating a boat burglary!"

"Well, you've come to the right place," says the bitter father rat. "The pesky things are all over! Chugging up and down the sewer, keeping us up all night..."

"This is no place to raise a family," says the mother. "And it used to be such a nice sewer," she adds wistfully.

After using the plastic knife he had been paddling with to retrieve the suitcase, the father rat says, "Come on, dear. Let's find a quieter neighborhood."

"How about that nice garbage dump where Cousin Margarat lives," suggests the mother.

Gadget and Chip paddle to a junction of three sewage pipes. "Now which way, mates?" inquires Monty. A mouse-sized life preserver floats downstream through the first pipe.

"Hey, look at this!" says Dale, picking it up. "A toy whitewall tire!"

"That's no tire, Dale. That's a toy life preserver from the Queen Marie!" points Chip.

"Looks like we're on the right track, all right," notes Monty.

Cut to the Rangers on their milk carton boat emerging from a pipe. A toy cruise ship labeled 'S.S. Queen Marie" floats by the pipe. "Hey, that's Rat Capone and his thugs, Arnold Mousenegger and Sugar Ray Lizard," observes Gadget.

"On the Queen Marie," notes Monty.

"How'd they get that big thing down the drain?" asks Dale.

"They must've taken it apart and reassembled it," says Gadget. "But why?"

"Let's follow 'em and find out," says Chip. "But quietly, Zipper."

Cut to a dock in the sewer, with the Queen Marie docked, and a solid gold castle near it. Rat Capone says, "What a spread! I been dreamin' of a joint like this all my life! No more sewers, no more landfills for this rat!" He approaches two gray mice wearing gray shackles and what look like diapers or sumo-wrestler trunks. "All right, you slaves, unload our loot and get back to woik!"

"But Mister Capone, we've been working nonstop for days, without sleep!"

Capone snaps his fingers, and Arnold picks up the two mice by their necks. "What does it look like I'm running here, a bed and breakfast?" he asks.

"Bed and breakfast?" asks Arnold. "Oh, goody! A nap and cheese blintzes!"

The mice are starting to turn red from how they are held.

"No naps or snacks until Castle Capone is finished, see? Now back to work, you lug nuts!" Arnold throws them onto the gold-laden ship.

"We have to save those poor mice!" says Gadget sympathetically.

"You know, this is just like the trouble the Red Badger faced in _The Goose and the Hoosegow_ episode!" Dale notes, drawing his sword and rocking the boat. "All we have to do is--"

Chip hits his friend with his spoon paddle. "Dale, the Red Badger is just make-believe. I'll show you how a real crime fighter handles this." He jumps on a convenient floating box and paddles off. "While I distract Capone and his goons, you free the mice from the chains."

"Careful, Chip!" warns Gadget.

Chip paddles to the boat and climbs up a gold bead chain. He sees the mice, Sugar Ray Lizard, and Arnold unloading the boat. He then spies the remote control for the boat, which is in the front, and uses it. "Let's see the Red Badger do this!"

"Hey, boss, somebody's hijacking your cruise ship," Sugar Ray says. Chip waves after throwing a necklace out of the ship.

"Don't just stand there, you brain-dead buffoons! Follow that boat!" says Capone. They jump into a toy boat, and Capone shoots a plunger at the boat, catching on to the back. The other Rangers emerge, on their milk carton boat, from behind a white bottle.

"OK, mates, now's our chance," says Monty, and he and Gadget paddle (Monty must've found another paddle for himself, since Chip took one).

Chip sees the gangsters gaining on him, says "Yikes!", and swerves, making their boat hit the side of the sewer. "Abandon ship!" Sugar Ray says. The boat breaks, but Capone is still holding on to the harpoon. He is thrown through a piece of trash, causing him to do a loop, then up and into the ship's smokestack. He emerges through a door, a bit dirty. Chip is gleeful, but suddenly Capone sneaks up behind the chipmunk and slips a life preserver over him. Chip gasps.

Wipe to the ship coming into harbor. Capone's sidekicks climb up from the sewer, dripping. "Hey, great apprehension, boss," says Sugar Ray. "Yeah, and you caught him good, too," says Arnold.

"Shut up, you cowards," says Capone, throwing Chip at them. "So, you dirty rats are onto my operation, eh? Well, no one's gettin' in my way this time."

"Hey, boss, look!" says Arnold. Capone does a wild take. "Them Rescue Rangers are lettin' loose them lousy slaves!" Cut to Gadget using a screwdriver to free the grateful mice from their shackles. Zipper clasps his hands over his head in a victory gesture.

"Oh, no. Capone's got Chip!" says Monty.

"He's got us outmuscled, too!" says Dale, stopping Monty from trying to fight his way through the gangsters. "Let's free these slaves, and then we'll free Chip. Come on!" They flee.

"Lucky for us, we've got a replacement slave right here!" notes Capone. "And you is gonna do exactly what I say, or else."

"Or else what, bilge rat?" asks Chip.

"Or else I'm gonna turn ya into fish food. Sugar Ray, Arnold, introduce our little friend here to my little pet."

"Sure thing, boss," says Sugar Ray. Arnold eagerly holds Chip up to the glass of an aquarium, where a piranha comes to the glass, mouth open wide, and teeth very big.

"Shrimp bait, meet my pet piranha, Mikey. He eats anything!" says Rat Capone. He laughs, and the piranha snaps its jaws at Chip, who shies back.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Gadget and Monty are sitting dejectedly on their milk-carton boat, with Zipper hovering and Dale standing behind them (still dressed as the Red Badger). Gadget laments, "Poor Chip. We've got to get him back! No telling what Capone will do to him!"

A small Red Badger pops up next to Dale's head. "Don't look so glum, chum," he recommends. "This is your chance to take charge. Show 'em you're a good leader. Think back to episode number twelve." He holds up twelve fingers on one hand.

"Twelve?" Dale asks. "Oh, yeah. _The Case of the Drain in Spain._ That's it! Hey, guys, I can lead you! I'll just follow in the footsteps of a true hero!"

"Chip?" Gadget asks hopefully.

"No! The Red Badger!"

The Rangers don't look comforted. "I'd rather follow a hero sandwich," Monty notes.

Cut to the city sidewalks. Dale points to a manhole cover. "According to my calculations, we should be directly over Capone's castle!"

"According to my calculations," says Gadget, who's holding a pad in her right hand and a pencil in her left, "it should be over there," she motions to a storm drain grate. Monty wheels a pulley-system thing made of Tinker Toys over to where Gadget motioned.

"Well, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt *this* time," Dale says. He jumps down to the grate and listens. "That's them, all right. Chip's as good as free!"

"Are you sure about this?" Monty asks as Gadget ties a rope around the mouse's waist.

"Would the Red Badger let you down?" Dale asks rhetorically. "Now, when you get the rope around Chip, give a tug, and we'll pull you back up." Dale trips on Gadget's pencil, falls flat on his back, and sends it falling down the grate.

Cut to the underground. Sugar Ray Lizard flicks Chip in the behind with his tail, causing the chipmunk to drop the huge load of treasure he was carrying. "Hurry it up, Alvin," Sugar Ray says. Arnold finds this very amusing.

Chip, justifiably offended by this remark to a rival cartoon series, corrects him. "The *name* is Chip."

"Whatever," Sugar Ray says. "You chipmunks all sound alike."

The pencil falls down a pipe, and bops Arnold, then Sugar Ray, in the head. They look up and see Monty being lowered down the hole. Monty stops a couple inches short of the ground, and sees Arnold holding Chip and Sugar Ray smiling. "Uh--Whoa-oh!"

Above ground, Dale and Gadget continue to lower Monty. Dale says, "Monty's probably saving Chip at this very moment. I'll bet Capone and his goons are running scared." There is a tug on the rope. "One jerk! That's the signal!" Dale and Gadget work to raise the rope, saying, "Turn! Turn!"

Zipper cries, "Come on!" The rope comes up, and Dale and Gadget run over. However, now Sugar Ray has the rope tied around him, and he's got Zipper! "Surprise!"

"Uh-oh." Gadget and Dale both say, then try to flee. Sugar Ray catches Gadget with his tail. "So you're the wench behind this winch."

"I'll save you, Gadget!" cries Dale. He turns the crank so it drops Sugar Ray back down the grate, causing him to release Zipper and Gadget, who lands on one of the bars of the grate. She smiles, when she hears a 'thump.'

Back underground, Sugar Ray falls to hit Arnold, making him fall to the ground, and causing Capone to hit his head in anger. A newly-shackled Monty says, "You'll never get away with this, Capone. I'll never be your slave."

Capone says, "Oh, no?" He shakes Monty's collar. "Well, I've got a friend here who says you will." The thugs laugh as the piranha jumps out from his tank, chomps his teeth, then goes back in. Chip and Monty gulp.

"What went wrong with the rescue plan, Monty?" Chip asks.

"Nothin'," Monty replies sarcastically. "Went off just as the Red Badger's friend planned it."

Chip gives a cynical look to the camera.

The sound of Chip and Monty grunting accompanies a fade-in to the two rodents hauling a gold brick into place into Castle Capone's wall. Pan to a pipe in the sewer, where Dale, Zipper, and Gadget are sitting and watching the scene from a piece of wood boat. (Gadget doesn't seem to mind that her feet are in the sewage river.) "Now what'll we do? My plan got Monty captured, and we still have to save Chip!"

The Red Badger pops up next to Dale again. "Time to use your instincts."

"But I don't have any instincts," whispers Dale.

"Sure you do, Badger Bucko! Everybody has 'em. Remember what I did in episode 23?" He makes a muscle, which flashes '23' in yellow numbers.

"23... Oh, yeah! _The Case of the Rub-A-Dub-Sub._" (The captioning reads "Rub-a-Dub-Salt.") "That's it!"

"What's it?" Gadget asks.

"An idea to save Monty and Chip!"

Gadget and Zipper look at each other doubtfully. "I hope it's better than the last one," Gadget says.

"Trust me! I got instincts," says Dale. "Here's what we do." He whispers into Gadget's ear. Zipper flies to Gadget's other ear and listens in as well.

Cut to a submarine made of a soda cup with a lid and straw, and a propulsion device near the bottom made of something tan-colored. Gadget is inside, with the lid up, looking at Dale. "This'll be a great submarine, Gadget!" Dale says. "It should really do the job."

"What is the job, Dale?" Gadget asks.

"Simple. I'll distract the bad guys while you sneak over to Chip and Monty in this submarine. No one will even see their escape."

Gadget closes the lid of the sub. "OK, cast off!" she says, looking through a periscope made of a straw. "All ahead full, Zipper!" Zipper obediently sets a crank spinning. Dale hitches a ride on the cup and jumps onto the dock.

"Time for the Red Badger to go into action." he says. Gadget spies Chip and Monty through the periscope, then Arnold and Sugar Ray.

Heroic music starts as Dale says, "OK, oyster-brains, your days as slave-owners are over!" The thugs look over obediently as Dale plays with an acorn.

"Get him!" the thugs shout.

"This looks like a job for my phony acorn-grenade!" Dale says, ripping the cap off the acorn with his teeth. He throws the acorn to the ground, and the thugs run for cover.

"It's--it's gonna detonate!" shouts Sugar Ray.

"Yeah, and blow up too!" Arnold says. They dive for cover, and Arnold goes into Castle Capone, where he lands on the rat himself, who has been watching "The Red Badger of Courage."

"You dirty rat! You're interrupting my favorite program! And just when the bad guy is winnin'," says Rat Capone angrily.

"But boss, the good guy's right outside!" Arnold says.

"What?" Capone asks.

Gadget pulls up to the side of the dock and opens the lid of the sub. "Get in, guys!" The two slaves jump inside, and Gadget speeds off.

"Stop them! Sugar Ray, you're comin' with me," says Capone, hopping into a toy tugboat.

"Yikes! Run for it!" says Dale, speeding off in a rowboat. Arnold follows in a wind-up jet ski.

Gadget sends the sub into a dive.

"How're we gonna find them if they're underwater, boss?" asks Sugar Ray.

"Simple. We'll rock their boat, see?" Capone throws a metal nut out the boat, and the two proceed to throw spare screws, nails, etc. out, which does rock the submarine, indeed.

Dale keeps paddling away, with Arnold gaining, until the thug's wind-up jet ski stops. Dale paddles into the 'safety' of a pipe, then sighs, relieved, until he gets his sucked into the current, the chipmunk screaming the whole way. Arnold listens near the pipe. "We won't be bothered by his presence again," he says. "And we won't see him again, neither." Arnold speeds away.

A screwdriver finally hits the sub, and bubbles come up. "Bulls eye!" says Capone. "Now it's time for a little fishin'." Arnold speeds a net over, and scoops up the four Rangers. "Looks like I got twice as many slaves now," Capone smiles.

The four Rangers are unceremoniously dumped onto the docks.They shake off. "If it ain't my favorite treasure!" says Capone to Gadget helping her up, not caring that she must be covered in sewage after her swim. "Why don't you toss these losers overboard for a winner, dollface?" He puts his hand on her shoulder. "You can be my first mate."

"How'd you like a swift kick in the poop deck?" retorts Gadget angrily.

"There's that spunk again," says Capone. "I hate spunk! Just to show you how much I care, I got a present for you, see?" He puts a pair of gold shackles on her. "A beautiful gold bracelet. And to go with it, your foist charm." Arnold puts a shackle on Zipper's feet and attaches it to Gadget's shackles. "So much for the refuse Rangers," says Capone. "Four down, and one to go!" He laughs wickedly.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Dale coughs as he washes down the sewer pipe. He grabs a hold of a bottle.

Cut to Chip and Monty carrying treasure to a net, with Arnold watching them. Monty uses a pulley to haul the treasure up to Capone, who's on the ship's deck. He looks down into the hold. "Hey, Sugar Ray, hurry them slaves up, see? I want this ship here cleaned out by midnight so's we can make room for our next haul."

"Hear that?" whispers Chip. "Capone must have another robbery planned for tonight. We've got to bust loose and stop them."

Dale is near the castle, in the sewer, holding onto a can. "I've got to bust them loose and stop Capone! But how?"

The Red Badger fades into view, almost as large as Dale. "Be imaginative, kid. Think back to what I did in the episode about the damsel in distress."

"I can't remember that one," says Dale.

"Sure you can!" the Red Badger insists. "Think hard. You'll know what to do." He fades.

"How am I supposed to think hard when Chip says I have a soft head?"

Cut back to Chip, Gadget, and Monty hauling treasure to a net. Zipper's now free, and hovering next to Monty. "I've got an idea how we can break out," says Chip. He whispers to Gadget.

In a flirty voice, Gadget says, "Oh, Mr. Mousenegger, my chain is caught. Can you get it loose?"

"Uh, sure, I'm good at that," says Arnold, bowing to help. "Rat Capone says I got a few screws loose." Monty knocks Arnold down, and, in the scuffle, Gadget gets a silver key.

"I've got the key!"

"You got trouble, that's what youse got!" Capone wields a golden fork and points it at the Rangers. "If there's anything I hate, it's brave slaves. Now back to work, all o' youse!" He drags Gadget by the arm. "Except youse, dollface. I'm gonna give you one last chance to be my moll."

"I'd rather get caught in a mousetrap," replies Gadget.

"Shut up!" Capone says, hitting her. Monty catches her.

"Gadget, maybe you *should* be his gun moll," says Chip.

"WHAT?" asks Gadget.

"Chipper, how can you say such a thing?" asks Monty.

"Not for real," says Chip. "Just pretend. Then, once you're free, you can set us free!" he continues, enthusiastically.

Cut to Capone walking to the front of the boat. Sexy music ensues. "Oh, Mr. Capone! Yoo-hoo! I've changed my mind!" says Gadget in her best flirty voice, putting a hand on her hip and the other by her head.

"What are youse talking about?" asks Capone.

"I'd *love* to be your moll." She blinks several times, and moves her hips from side to side.

"Well, ain't this my lucky day!" says Capone. "Two beautiful dames say they'll be my moll."

"Two?" Gadget is surprised.

"Yeah, two! Meets my other moll!" He whistles. "Come here, toots!"

Dale, in a red wig which covers his right eye, turquoise dress, black belt, and gold-colored beads and eyelashes, saunters up. "Dale?" asks Gadget, surprised.

"Uh, uh, you must be mistaken!" Dale says in a feminine voice. "My name's...uh..."

"Tootsie!" Capone inserts.

"That's right! And the rat man here's my main squeeze!"

Capone hugs Dale close to him; Dale looks a little uncomfortable. "Ain't she a beaut?"

"But what about me?" asks Gadget. "I wanna be your moll!"

"Tell you what, goils. You can fight over me while we go on a shopping spree at Tiffany's! (sounds suspiciously like Jiffany's) I love it!" He walks off.

"Dale, what are you doing in that outfit?" asks Gadget, grabbing him by the chest.

"I'm using my imaginative to free you guys, just like the Red Badger told me!" says Dale.

Gadget pats Dale's shoulder. "Promise me when this is over, you'll get help."

Fade to Tiffany's Jewelry City. Capone is singing off-key. "Sapphires on white gold and diamonds in settings, these are a few of my favorite rings!" He laughs. He is picking up the rings out of the display case and throwing them to the ground, where Arnold picks them up and throws them down to the drain, where Sugar Ray looks to make sure they fall in the boat. "This one's for you, dollface!" Capone throws a ring down to Gadget.

"What about lil' ol' me?" asks Dale.

"This is no time to be jealous!" says Gadget.

"Oh, sure. You get diamonds, and I get bubkus," says Dale as Gadget throws the ring on the pile of jewelry. "Capone likes you best!"

"Does not!" says Gadget.

"Does too!"

"Does not!"

"Does too!"

"Dale, what are *we* fighting for?" asks Gadget. "We should be fighting Capone!"

"Say, that gives me an idea!" says Dale. He whispers to Gadget. The two look at each other and grin.

"He's mine, hussy!" shouts Gadget, looking up at Capone.

"Wanna bet? What would a rat like him see in a rat like you?" asks Dale.

"Ah, catfights!" Capone smiles. "Music to a rat's ears."

"Why you flea-bitten phony!" Gadget says. The two of them start arguing and wrestle on the floor. Gadget can be heard saying, "You no good--why, I oughtta just *slap* you--" They break through a laser beam and set off the store's alarm.

Capone helps his two 'molls' into the pipe as Kirby shouts, "Come out with your hands up!" He and Muldoon come in, guns drawn, but the store is deserted. "Well, they didn't get everything this time."

"Yeah," his partner replies, "but still no sign of forced entry. Just like the other stores. *Weird.*"

Fade to the dock, where the ship is docked. "Sugar Ray, Arnold!" says Rat Capone. "Now that our ship's come in, have the slaves unload it."

"Sure ting, boss," says Sugar Ray. Arnold picks up a heavy metal ball.

"Now whadda we do?" asks Dale.

"I have an idea this time," says Gadget.

"I hope this doesn't make me break another nail," says Dale as Gadget smiles at him, her eyelids lowered.

"Hey, Arnold, baby!" Gadget points to the metal ball Arnold's holding. "Let me give you a hand with that."

(Maybe Gadget thinks Arnold is handsome, or enjoys flirting, or something. This is her third instance of flirting in the episode, and twice with this dim-witted thug.)

"Oh, gee, thanks!" says Arnold, giving the ball to Gadget. She drops it onto Arnold's foot ("Yeow!"), then gets the key from around Arnold's neck.

"Hurry, Gadget!" shouts Chip as she rushes to them with the key as Arnold hops on one foot, clutching the other in pain.

"Ooh, you dirty rat!" says Capone. "Just for that, you ain't my moll." Dale smiles widely. "Tootsie here is." He grabs Dale, and the chipmunk's wig comes off. "Hey, what gives?"

"Obviously, my wig," Dale replies. Dale runs off in a flash.

"Come back here, you dirty moll, you!" shouts Capone.

"Run, Dale, run!" Chip shouts.

Gadget throws the remote control from the ship to Monty, who throws it to Chip just as Arnold tackles the Australian mouse. Chip throws it to Dale just before the fedora-clad munk is tackled by Sugar Ray. "This ought to cause a castle-tastrophe!" says Dale as he pulls the joystick . Capone tackles him, and the remote goes flying. Capone is about to pummel the chipmunk, when he sees the Queen Marie toy oceanliner careening towards his gold home.

"No! Not my castle!" The castle is wrecked, and the ship hits the piranha tank, freeing the fish. Capone and crew jump into the sewage and paddle away quite adeptly, screaming, while chased by the piranha. "For the last time," says Capone, "shut up!"

Cut to above ground. The Rangers manage to lift a manhole, with a few grunts. Muldoon and Kirby drive by. "Uh-oh. We better cover up that manhole," says Kirby.

"Hey, Kirby, get a load of this!" says Muldoon, looking down into the sewer, where the treasure is all lying in a nice pile. "If it isn't Jiffany's outlet store!"

"Good work, moll--uh, Dale," says Gadget.

"Thank--" Dale cuts his feminine voice off and switches to his masculine one. "Thanks. But I couldn't've done it without a friend of mine."

The Red Badger, life-sized, pops up next to Dale. "Don't thank me, Badger pal. That moll bit was a stroke of genius."

"Yeah, your genius," says Dale.

"Mine? No way. I told you to do the _Damsel in Distress_ bit. I wanted you to tie up Capone and let the ship run over him. Your idea was much better."

"You mean--I did something right on my own? I'm a hero?"

"I knew you had the stuff," says the Red Badger. "Here's winking at you, kid." The Red Badger fades, and Dale hits his own chest, amazed with himself.

 

 

 

*A note on Jiffany's/Tiffany's: The characters clearly say "Jiffany's", but the background art illustrating the store says "Tiffany's." So either interpretation would seem to be at least partially correct.

Rescue Rangers and all characters and episodes copyright the Walt Disney Corporation and used without permission.

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