Dirty Rotten Diapers

Episode written by Dev Ross, Ken Koonce and David Wiemers

Summary by Julie Bihn

Thanks to Indy for the help on which lines were modified from the original (read the summary ^_^).

 

Zoom in on the Ranger Tree.

"Boy, what a case!" Chip exclaims.

Inside Ranger Headquarters, Monty, Chip, and Dale are sitting on the couch. Monty and Dale rest a foot on a Tinkertoy spool and an alphabet block, respectively, and Zipper reclines against a pillow on Monty's footrest. Monty's right arm is in a sling, his pointer finger bandaged, and his left leg bandaged, without his hat. Chip's injuries are the same, minus the finger bandage, and with a bandage under his hat. Dale's left arm is bandaged, his left leg wrapped, and he, too, has a bandage around his head. Zipper's arm is in a sling.

"Yeah," Dale says, laughing. "We sure whooped those bad guys!"

"Too right we did," winks Monty. "And nothin' like havin' the bodily injuries to prove it," he says, pointing with his injured finger.

"How can you say that, Monty?" Gadget reprimands him, tying an ice cube around the top of Monty's head.

"Easy," Monty says. "Me mouth is the only thing that doesn't hurt."

"Golly! From the looks of you guys, it's hard to tell who won and who lost!" Gadget complains. "All this violence is getting out of hand." Gadget wags her finger.

"But--" the other Rangers object.

"We Rangers need to find a kinder, gentler approach to stopping crime," Gadget says, smiling.

"I don't know, love," Monty says. "That would take all the fun out of fightin'." Zipper flies over and pushes on Monty, maybe to help him stand. "Ow! Watch the shoulder, pally."

"Sorry," Zipper squeaks.

"But fighting shouldn't be fun, Monty." Gadget protests. "It should be a last resort!"

"Oh, I get it," Monty says as the ice on his head starts to melt. "Sort of like a secret weapon, eh, Zipper?" he says sarcastically.

Zipper laughs.

"Well, whadda you say, guys? Could we give it a try?" Gadget asks.

"Why not?" Chip asks. "Couldn't hurt!" He moves the wrong way. "Ow!"

Gadget looks briefly concerned, then puts her hands on Chip's face, smiling. "Oh, Chip. I knew you'd see it my way." She kisses him on the cheek.

Chip sighs happily.

"Me, too!" Dale intones, standing in front of Chip. "Uh, I see it your way too, Gadget!" He puckers up, while Gadget is still smiling.

"Since when?" Chip says, turning Dale around. Gadget drops the smile.

"Since now!" Dale snarls.

"Well, forget it," Chip says. "You don't know a plug nickel about kinder and gentler!"

"I do, too!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Oh, yeah?" Chip says.

"Yeah!"

"Why you--" Chip and Dale's argument turns into gibberish as the two tumble about on the ground, duking it out.

"Huh," Gadget says. "Maybe what we need is a little practice."

Fade in on the park, full of happy kids and adults frolicking. The Rangers are under a tree.

"But I don't get it, Gadget," Dale objects. "What kinda big crimes are gonna happen in the park?"

"That's the point, Dale," Gadget explains. She's holding a clipboard and a mouse-sized pencil, and has a pretty large whistle around her neck. "We're going to practice being kinder and gentler on little crimes, and then work our way up."

Dale is unconvinced.

"Huh?" Zipper asks. He stops and licks his lips. He flies over to a well-dressed man who's peeling a banana. He flies over to it, but the man flings the peel away, knocking Zipper down. Zipper crawls out from under the peel, which landed on the ground, and squeaks angrily.

"Hey, that guy's littering!" says Chip.

"Yeah! And littering's against the law!" Dale notes.

"Too right it is! I'll trash that litterbug!" Monty says, rolling up his sleeves and running towards the man.

Gadget runs in front of him. "Hold on, Monty! We're here to practice non-violent means of solving crimes, remember?"

"Oh, right," Monty says. "Party pooper," he mutters.

"Now, then," Gadget addresses the Rangers, "can anyone think of a civilized way of stopping him?"

The Rangers draw blanks.

"Nope, sorry, love," Monty says. "Guess I'll have to do it the old-fashioned way."

"Wait a minute!" Chip says. "I have an idea!"

"Something tells me my glory days are numbered," Monty says sadly.

Fade in on the littering man. The trash can next to him has two ropes tied around it, leading upward. He throws more trash on the ground, as the trash can ascends. Up in the tree, an elaborate system of pulleys, with an iron tied to one end of the rope, are doing the lifting.

"Oh, Zipper, let her tip!" Chip says.

Zipper salutes. "Aye aye!" The fly pulls a switch, which sends the iron downward, tipping the trash can's contents onto the businessman.

The park's patrons see the man, covered in garbage. "Oh, how terrible. What a mess. What a terrible mess! Oh, no!" they cry. The man piles half of the garbage back into the can and rushes away, smiling sheepishly.

The Rangers laugh. "Well done, Chip," Gadget says, putting an arm around Chip. "You were imaginative, resourceful, and best of all, you didn't hurt anyone. You get a gold star." She puts a gold star onto the paper on the clipboard, which has the names of the other Rangers neatly printed in upper-case block letters that almost look like they come from a computer, all right justified next to the four uniform lines beside the names. (I would wager that this is probably one of the only times we see "Gadget's handwriting" in the series, which looks much neater than the easy script she uses in her blueprints on Gadget's Go-Coaster.)

Chip and Gadget hug, and Chip looks back at Dale, smiling spitefully (really, his eyes are narrowed and everything).

Dale glares.

Fade in on the Ranger Wing, apparently out on patrol. "I can't believe it," Dale whines, leaning over the edge of the Wing. "Chips's got five stars, and we've got nothing but big fat zeroes."

"Aw, not to worry, pally," Monty, who's riding in the back seat with Dale, says. "We'll even up the score." He gasps. "in fact, we can start with that robbery below!" Two women, one thin and blonde, the other larger and brunette, both with short hair, are taking sacks out of a house.

"Looks like we've got our biggest test coming up, guys," Gadget says, looking down.

"Kinder and gentler Rangers, away!" Chip cries, and Gadget points the plane downwards to land.

The Rangers hide behind some small bushes against the wall of the house. They see the two ladies walk by.

"So, Dale," Chip says enthusiastically, "have any non-violent plans to stop these crooks?"

"I'll think of a gentle way if I have to beat my head against a wall!" Dale says.

"What about you, Monterey?" Chip asks.

"Me? Sure," Monty says. "I've always got a plan. We'll rush 'em, and crush 'em, and when we've got 'em beggin' for mercy--" By this point he's wrestled himself to the ground and has himself by the foot. "Oops," Monty says, righting himself as Gadget and Chip look on disapprovingly. "What can I say? Growin' up around kangaroos makes you kinda punchy."

"Don't worry, Rangers," says Chip. "I've got another brilliant idea!"

Monty, Zipper, Chip, and presumably Dale, each pull off one of the valve covers for a tire on a large, windowless van, deflating the tires.

"Now let's see those crooks get away!" Chip says.

"Gosh, Chip. You're practically pacifist perfect," Gadget says, briefly touching Chip's shoulder.

"Thank you, Gadget," Chip says. "I think," he finishes, doubtfully. "See, Dale? This new approach is easy if you just use your head," Chip says, pointing to his own. "Of course, that does give you a handicap."

"I'll show you a handicap!" Dale says angrily, rolling up his sleeves.

"Look, Monrovia," the blonde says as she and her partner come out of the house, carrying their final load of stolen goods. "I stole the keys to their car, too. Ain't I smart?"

"Not as smart as I am," the brunette intones. "I've already got it packed and ready to go. Nothing like a family vacation without the family," she says as they finish packing the van. The two laugh and drive off, sending up dust, which makes the Rangers cough.

"So much for using your head, Chip," Dale says, bonking Chip on the head.

"Why you--"

"Not now, guys," Gadget says, splitting them up. "We've got company." They scurry behind the bushes as a couple, pushing their rather ugly baby in a carriage, come up to the house.

"Golly, this is terrible!" Gadget notes. "They're about to find out that they've been--"

"Robbed?!" the couple cry out, alarmed. Their house has been stripped bare.

"Oh, Harold, everything's gone!" the woman says. "Even our refrigerator. What'll we do? We can't afford to replace all our things!"

The phone rings, and tears come to Harold's eyes. "At least they didn't steal the phone. Who could be calling at a time like this?" He picks up. "Hello? The adoption agency?"

The couple leaves the house with their baby. "Come on, sweetheart," Harold says. "The adoption agency wants to see us about the robbery."

The Rangers look on sympathetically.

"Crikey," Monty says, "news travels fast. How'd the adoption agency know about the robbery?"

"I don't know," says Chip. "But this looks like a job for the Rescue Rangers. Let's go!" They scurry off.

They come to a two-story building with a big sign showing a stork carrying a baby on it. The Rangers climb a drainpipe and look in the lower window.

"Due to the recent robbery of your abode, we suggest you leave your baby with relatives. Just for the night, until you can buy a new crib," a squeaky voice says.

"Will my sister and brother-in-law do?" Harold asks soberly.

There's two familiar-looking women in suits and vests talking to Harold and his wife.

"Yeah, of course. Sure," the brunette, Monrovia, says, nodding to her partner.

"As long as they're rich," the blonde says.

"Quiet, Pomona," Monrovia says.

"Say," Dale says outside. "There's something kinda familiar about those two. I know, they're the robbers!"

Chip looks closer in, using his paw to shield the glare of the window. "You're right, Dale! They must be using that poor little baby in some sort of burglary scam!"

"We've got to save that baby, and make sure his aunt and uncle don't get robbed, too," Gadget says.

The Rangers wait at the window that night--Chip and Gadget are watching attentively, while Dale sits, bored, and Monty and Zipper snooze.

"Come on, dear," a woman inside says. "Let's go home."

"Wake up!" Gadget says, shaking Monty.

"Huh? Whadda--I didn't touch the cheese," Monty says sleepily.

"The relatives!" Gadget says.

"Take good care of Baby Thaddeus," Monrovia says.

"Oh-ha, don't worry," says a short, stocky man, leaning over his wife's shoulder. The wife has poofy blonde hair, a blue dress, and rather ugly polka-dotted accents. "I intend to give my nephew the very, very best."

"I'm sure you will," Pomona says, giggling at Monrovia.

The couple drives off with Baby Thaddeus, but not before the Rangers have hitched a ride on the back fender.

In a nice room, the husband turns on a lamp, revealing silhouettes of several rodents hiding under the shade. The wife tucks Baby Thaddeus in. "Good night, darlingkins. Sleep tighty-whitey!"

"And don't let the crib bugs bite ya," the husband says, scratching the child under the chin as he grins. The woman kisses the baby, and they leave. The wife blows a kiss at the baby and turns the light off. The Rangers slide out from under the lamp shade.

"Ah," Gadget sighs. "This looks like a nice safe place for Baby Thaddeus."

"I couldn't agree more," says Monty. "Now, can we go fight some real crimes?"

"We will be," Gadget says. "I have a feeling those crooks from the adoption agency will be here soon."

Baby Thaddeus throws away his bottle and gets out of his bassinet.

"In the mean time," Chip says, "we'd better keep an eye on baby so he doesn't hurt himself."

The child goes out of his room and into the bathroom, scrambling up onto the sink. He fiddles in the medicine cabinet. The Rangers gasp.

"We've got to stop him," Gadget says. "He'll make himself sick!"

"It's too late!" Dale says, as Baby Thaddeus looks at himself in the mirror, his face covered in foam. "He is sick! He's rabid! He's mad! Mad baby! Mad baby!" Dale cries, running in circles.

Chip bonks Dale on the head, stopping him. "It's only shaving cream, ya big dummy," Chip says, grabbing Dale's ears in one hand.

"How do you know that, Mister Smartypants?" Dale asks.

"Because, he's about to shave!" Chip says.

"Shave?!" Chip and Dale yell in unison.

"We've gotta stop him before he cuts himself!" Dale yells.

Cut to inside the bathroom. "Okay, Dale, go for it," Gadget says. He jumps from the bathtub onto a long-handled scrubbing brush that's set on Monterey, who's crouched on the ground. Chip is on the other end, and he goes flying as if he were on a catapult, landing on the sink near the baby.

"Nice baby. Good baby," Chip says, approaching. "Give Uncle Chipper the nasty old razor."

The baby slices at Chip, sending him falling off the counter. "Why that little--" Chip says before Gadget restrains him.

"Chip, I'm surprised at you! He's only a baby."

"Tsk, tsk, tsk, Chipper," Dale says. "No stars for you this time."

"You have a better idea?" Chip asks.

"As a matter of fact," Dale says, arranging the catapult again, "I have a special knack when it comes to children. Give me a lift." Chip jumps on the other end of the brush, sending Dale flying onto the counter. Dale pulls out a rattle from his shirt (?), and waves it in front of the baby. The baby takes it from Dale, rattles it a little, and then bonks Dale on the head with it. Dale falls, but the baby catches him and takes him out of the bathroom.

"We've got to save Dale!" Gadget says. "That baby thinks he's a plaything!"

"We'd better hurry," says Monty.

The baby runs off and opens a grate near the floor, throwing him in. The baby flees upon seeing the Rangers.

"Don't worry, Dale," Chip says, calling down into the grate. "We'll have you outta there in no time."

Thaddeus comes out from his hiding place and opens the grate, kicking the other Rangers inside. They scream as they fall down.

"Don't worry, guys," Gadget says once they hit bottom. "As long as he doesn't figure out how to turn on the furnace, we're safe."

Outside, the baby has found a stool and is standing on it, turning a dial on the wall from 'off' to 'high.'

The coils around the Rangers glow, giving the whole area an eerie orange tint.

"Too bad baby's a fast learner!" Monty notes.

((Commercial break--Tony the Tiger helps a young man throw Frisbee--er--a flying disc, and Ronald McDonald has a dance party for children, reminding me of Michael Jackson for some reason, and not just because of the bad pun of a room with "moonwalking." A boy changes into Snackula when he can't have his Pop-Tarts, though his younger brother rescues him, and a vacuum cleaner becomes addicted to Rice Krispies Treats cereal.))

"Looks like we're chipmunks roasting on an open fire," Chip says.

"Help! Get us out! I'm too young to roast!" Dale yells, as we see the exterior of the furnace, which has several pipes and vents leading right into it.

"Look on the bright side, guys," Gadget says, using a paper clip to try to turn the presumably hot switch. "Monty's losing weight."

"Gadget, love," Monty says, "A--a little less cheeriness, a little more speed!"

"I'm trying," Gadget says.

"Mind if I give an assist?" Monty asks.

"Be my guest," Gadget says.

Monty bends the paper clip into a whip and whacks one of the wires until the furnace goes dark again.

"It's just a heater, love," Monty says, putting an arm around Gadget. "Violence doesn't count."

"Come on," Chip motions. "Let's get out of here before baby finds the air conditioning switch next." They climb up and out of the furnace, pushing their way out of a vent in the floor.

"There he goes. After him!" Gadget says.

"Wait a minute," Monty protests, grabbing Gadget's arm. "I'm a Rescue Ranger, not a bloomin' babysitter."

"Monterey," Gadget says, "being a Rescue Ranger is more than just exciting harrowing narrow escapes and outrageous fights to the bitter end!" She goes off.

"Since when?" Monty asks.

"Oh, no, look!" Gadget says, making it to the kitchen. Thaddeus is raiding the refrigerator!

"Yikes, baby's in trouble again!" Chip says. He and Dale try to run towards the child, but Monty restrains them.

"Hold your shirts, mateys. Last time he trashed us, remember?" Monty says.

"Monterey's right," Chip says. "How can we get that baby back to his crib without dragging him by his diaper?"

"Maybe if we get his attention he'll follow us back to the nursery," Gadget says. She grabs Dale's arm. "Come on, Dale. I have an idea."

"We'll keep an eye on the kid," Chip says.

Enter Dale and Gadget, dressed rather like Raggedy Ann and Raggedy Andy, complete with wigs and extra eyelashes under their eyes. "This should get his attention," Gadget says.

"That, or a spot on The Gong Show," Monty says.

"Down here! Hey, little boy! Come on!" Gadget shouts, while Dale talks like a baby.

Thaddeus, who's found something chocolate, laughs.

"It's working," says Gadget.

The baby throws a tomato at Gadget, and an egg at Dale, then rinses the two rodents with shook-up soda. They are sprayed out the doggie door, losing their wigs, and dogs bark. They run back inside, but run into a frying pan, held by Thaddeus.

"Now I know how a cracked walnut feels," Dale says. The other Rangers run to rescue them, but the baby catches them in the frying pan and throws them in the dishwasher, turning it on. Zipper tries, unsuccessfully, to free them from outside.

"Patience, patience, everyone," Gadget says in a watery voice as she hides under a teacup. "The baby's probably going through his terrible twos."

"If you ask me," Monty says, "this case is all washed up."

The Rangers finally come out of the washing machine. "See? That wasn't so bad, guys. We got cleaned, dried, and look--no water spots!"

"Gadget, love," Monty says, lowering himself to the floor. "I think you've kindly, gently, flipped your lid! I quit this case."

Zipper pushes Monty back, squeaking.

"Forget it, Zipper," Monty says. "I don't care if the baby is playing with a gun."

"A gun?!" Chip asks. All the Rangers, even Monty, rush to the den (?), where Thaddeus is on the couch, talking on the phone in a grizzled criminal's voice.

"Yo, goils. Thaddeus here. Sorry I took so long to call. I--uh--had a little rodent problem. I staked out this joint and it's loaded with goodies--a boiglar's paradise," he says, spinning the gun on his finger.

"Whoa," Dale says. "Something about this kid stinks, and I don't mean his diaper."

"He's nothing but a pint-sized crook," Chip says. He knows an awful lot (assuming they didn't go to a police station) when he says, "No wonder all the homes he's been placed in have been robbed!"

"Let's put this crook behind bars," Monty says, rolling up his sleeves, "and I don't mean his crib!"

"No," Gadget says, stopping Monty. "Can't you see? This is our biggest test yet! We've got to stop him and those other crooks without resorting to fisticuffs!"

"Give it a break, love," Monty says. "Gandhi (rhymes with 'candy,' how he says it) would want to take a swing at this guy."

"Aw, you promised," Gadget says. "There's got to be a kinder--"

"We know, we know," Chip and Dale intone, as Gadget looks on, annoyed.

Zipper whispers in Gadget's ear. "Good thinking, Zipper," Gadget says. "Let's wake up the humans. They'll hear the crooks and call the police."

The Rangers climb onto the couple's bed.

"Hey, hey, sleeping beauty!" Monty says. "Wake up! The baby's stealing you blind!" The husband doesn't stir. "This is gonna take a group effort, mates," Monty notes. The Rangers jump on the humans, yelling. Zipper snaps the wife's night mask and she finally wakes.

"What? What's wrong? Did you hear the baby?"

"I'll go check, dear," the husband says.

Back in the den, Thaddeus finishes his conversation. "I gotta split, Monrovia. You and Pomona just get here fast." He hangs up and runs back to his bassinet. He dives in and tucks himself in, sees the gun on the blanket on top of him, and tucks it underneath.

"Look at him," the husband says, patting the child's head. "Uncle's little slugger." The baby waves his fist at the man as he leaves.

"Any other bright ideas?" Monty asks, frustrated.

"I might have one," Chip says. "Let's trip the burglar alarm."

"Good thinking, Chip," Gadget says. "Go for it, Zipper."

Zipper salutes, then flies up to the alarm and hits some buttons, but finds the wires have been cut.

"So much for calling the police," Monty says. "That counterfeit kid has thought of everything."

"Maybe not," says Gadget. "Follow me."

Dale taps out '911' on the phone, and the other Rangers yell into the headset.

Spinelli picks up. "Eh--Sargent Spinelli speaking." He hears squeaks, and rubs the phone to his ear. "Hello?"

"Hold it, Rangers," Chip says. "I don't think he understands Chipmunk."

"Or even Mouse-ese," Monty adds. "Hey--that sounded like a lock being picked."

The Rangers follow the noise, and see Thaddeus in front of the front door. The two women open it, wielding bats.

"Hiya, boss," Monrovia says. "Ready to loot this locker?"

"Yeah, but first, let's do something about my rodent problem," Thaddeus says.

The two ladies swing their bats in anticipation, and the Rangers flee...

((Commercial break: Eggo blueberry waffles turn a man blue, and a little boy uses a computer and an elaborate contraption involving a rodent on a wheel, a train, and who knows what else to make Hershey's chocolate milk. A boy complains about a rainy camping trip with no Peanut Butter Crunch cereal, but the Cap'n saves him. And Bonkers is on the beat, coming September 6th. ::ducks about 90% of the Rangerphiles online:: Hey, I like the Miranda episodes of Bonkers! But the commercial just has "cool" kids dancing, though, while someone sings "Bonkers, on the beat, two more weeks, gotta get ready..."...okay, that commercial's irritating... One girl has a fedora, though.))

Zoom in on the Rangers' oak tree, in the daytime. The Rangers are all injured pretty much as they were in the first scene, except Monty and Gadget both sport bandages on their tails. Gadget's sitting on the back of the couch.

"What a case," says Chip.

"Yeah," Monty says. "We sure got our britches blistered by that little blighter."

"Well, I say we kindly go back to that house," Gadget says, "gently go inside, then drag that impostor out by his dirty rotten diapers!"

Chip and Dale gasp, as Zipper looks shocked. "Gadget!"

"I've had it!" Gadget yells, standing on the couch. "No more wimping out! Let's shake that crook 'til he rattles!" (It's been pointed out that in this episode, several references to the Rangers beating up a baby have been thrown out. The line here was originally "Let's shake that baby till he rattles!", according to Indy.)

"Wait," Chip says. "I've got a better plan. Let's expose that phony adoption agency to the police. Monty, get the Ranger Wing ready. Zipper, Dale, get some strong twine."

"To tie up the baby?" Dale asks.

"No, to tie down Gadget," Chip whispers. "I think she's blown a gasket."

"Grrrr," Gadget seethes, looking truly frightening.

An angry-looking Gadget pilots the Ranger Wing, with the rest of the Rangers on board. They land on the roof of the adoption agency. The Ranger Wing has firecrackers tied to the wings.

"Let's go see what they're up to," Chip says as they scurry out, "then put 'em out of business."

The Rangers look through the skylight. Thaddeus is now in a gangster-type suit.

"Goils," he says, "we're closin' down this operation."

"Uh-oh," Chip says. "They beat us to the punch."

"But look at all the great stuff we stole," Monrovia says. "VCRs, stereos--"

"Press-on nails," Pomona adds.

"Why stop a good thing?" Monrovia asks.

"'Cuz I've got a better thing," Thaddeus says. "This"--he gets out a newspaper--"is an article about the richest couple in town. The richest childless couple." He laughs. "'Til now."

"But--uh--I thought we was givin' up the baby racket," Pomona says.

"I said we was givin' up the adoption racket," Thaddeus says, taking off his suit. "These folks is gonna find a free gift on their doorstep, ha-ha....me." He tucks himself into a basket. "And, if we pull off this haul, we're set for life, goils."

"Oh!" the girls squeak.

"To the Hancock estate," Thaddeus says as Pomona carries him off. "Special delivery."

"Crikey! Burglar bum and his babes have sure upped their ante," Monty says.

"Yeah. We've got to stop them before they loot that mansion," Chip says. "Come on!"

Gadget growls. "He's about to meet his worst nightmare!"

Wipe to the Hancock estate. Chip and Dale are in a blanketed basket; the other Rangers push them up to the door. Chip takes off his hat and tucks it under his pillow. "Okay, Zipper, do your thing," Chip says. Zipper salutes yet again, and flies up and rings the doorbell.

"Good luck, mates," Monty says as he and Gadget run off and hide.

Mrs. Hancock, a well-dressed lady with hair about the color of Gadget's, looks around. She sees the basket and picks it up. "What's this?" Dale blinks cutely. She takes the basket inside and sets it on a table next to her husband, who's in slippers and a rich-person's sitting robe. "Look what someone's left on our doorstep, dear," she says. She reads the note. "'Please give these pet chipmunks a good home. Your children will love them.'" Chip and Dale wag their tails.

"But we don't own any children, dear," Mr. Hancock says, shrugging. The doorbell chimes again, and Baby Thaddeus is at the door.

Mr. Hancock reads the note. "'Please take good care of Baby Thaddeus. He deserves a home like yours.' But we can't keep him, dear. An abandoned child is a matter for the police."

Thaddeus spies the Rangers, then grins. He starts to cry, and Mr. Hancock picks the basket up and rocks it. Thaddeus stops crying.

"Da-da," he says sweetly.

"Did you hear that?" Mr. Hancock chuckles. "He called me 'da-da.'" (The British-type pronunciation makes it sound almost like 'daughter.')

"Oh, can't we keep him for a little while?" Mrs. Hancock asks.

"Well, I suppose," Mr. Hancock relents.

They take the baby to a well-stocked nursery. "Oh, I just knew this nursery would come in handy someday," Mrs. Hancock says.

"Here, Thaddeus. You play with your little chipmunks like a good teeny-weeny little boy." Mrs. Hancock sets the basket in the crib with Thaddeus. Chip and Dale wave and smile at Thaddeus. The adults leave, and Thaddeus takes off his clothes save his diaper, and gets out a bat to beat the chipmunks with. Chip and Dale scamper away. Dale tries to get out of the window, while Chip climbs up the curtain tassels and unhooks the window's lock. Monty opens the window, and Gadget comes in, rolling up a sleeve.

"Where is he? Lemme at 'im," Gadget says, shadow-boxing.

"Would somebody hose her down?" Chip asks. "We've got to notify the police."

"Yeah," Monty says, "about our assault and battery!"

"Move it, Rangers," Chip says, and the Rangers flee from Thaddeus's bat.

Chip runs into a bear rug's mouth, and Thaddeus jumps on the head.

"Let's pull the rug out from under 'im," Monty says. The other Rangers do so, and Thaddeus goes flying, getting his head stuck in an urn. Monty opens the bear's mouth, and Chip comes out, dazed.

"Enough Mr. Nice Guy. I say we do it Gadget's way," he says, weakly.

"Whaddaya suggest, love?" Monty asks.

"Trash the bum!" Gadget says. (The original dialogue was "Trash the brat!" according to Indy.)

"All right!" the other Rangers say happily.

Elsewhere, Thaddeus is on an old-fashioned-looking phone. "Monrovia, Pomona, we've hit the jackpot. Make like your nylons and run over here."

"Baby Thaddeus," Mrs. Hancock says. "Here comes Mama with din-din."

Thaddeus runs back to his crib in time. "There you are, my little precious," Mrs. Hancock says. "Is baby hungry?" She puts him in a high-chair. "I bought you gourmet baby food. Let's try the pureed liver, shall we?" Thaddeus shakes his head, but she feeds him a spoonful anyway.

Chip and Dale pin a rope to Thaddeus's diaper, and tug it. The rope goes out the upper-story window and over the chimney. "There's the signal," Monty says. "Time for operation brat-buster."

Gadget buckles in. "Light the retro-rockets."

Monty lights the firecrackers on the back of the Ranger Wing. "Good luck, love," he says. The Ranger Wing speeds off.

"Go trip the burglar alarm, pally," says Monty.

"Aye-aye," Zipper squeaks, saluting yet again before he flies off.

"Open wide for Mama," Mrs. Hancock says to a protesting Thaddeus, but he suddenly is pulled backwards and out the door!

"Thaddeus!" Mrs. Hancock says.

"You dirty rats!" Thaddeus says, seeing the chipmunks.

Zipper punches buttons on the alarm. A call comes in on Kirby and Muldoon's radio. "Burglary in progress. 524 Hancock Lane (?)--(captions said 'Place')." They speed off.

Thaddeus is pulled through the hallway, knocking down Mr. Hancock and his newspaper. He goes through a doorway, breaking his high chair, and then through (!) a door, leaving an imprint of his silhouette. He is pulled through kitchen appliances, over stairs, through a mostly-closed window, around Monterey's chimney (the mouse waves), and back into the house.

Pomona and Monrovia drive up. "Sounds like the boss started looting without us," Pomona says.

"Let's go help," Monrovia says. "This place must be loaded with microwaves and mascara."

They go inside.

"Look out, goils," Thaddeus says as he goes flying by. He hits the girls, and the three of them hit a gong in the room.

"Goo goo, ga ga," Thaddeus says, blinking.

Mrs. Hancock picks up Thaddeus. "My baby! My poor baby!"

"Let go of me, you crazy dame!" Thaddeus says, and Mrs. Hancock drops him, screaming.

"Somebody report a burglary?" Muldoon asks as he and Kirby barge in, guns drawn.

"I did it," Thaddeus says, grabbing Muldoon's leg. "Take me to a nice safe cell. PLEASE, before those sadistic rodents get me again!" Thaddeus throws a tantrum, crying.

The officers take the criminals away. "What a case," Gadget says. "We showed 'em."

"Sorry your new approach didn't work out, Gadget," Chip says.

"That's okay," Gadget says. "Sometimes you've just gotta fight fire with fire. Or fireworks, anyway."

"Let's go celebrate," says Monty, picking Gadget up and setting her on the Ranger Wing's wing. "How about a visit to the wrestlers' arena, love?"

"I dunno, Monty," Gadget says. "Something kinder and gentler might be better."

"Just what I had in mind," Monty says. "Today's feature match is the kinder Karate Kid versus the Gentle Giant."

"Perfect," Gadget says. Monty helps her up, and Gadget gets in the pilot's seat, with Monty sitting beside her. They fly off.

 

Notes: Oddly enough, before I summarized this episode, I thought it was really funny, but watching it blow for blow really made me think... I didn't think Gadget's going mad with rage was out of character (her friends had just been beaten up by someone who had abused their soft spot for children), but her insistence on 'kinder and gentler' was a little much, and so was her way of convincing the chipmunks to follow it (she kissed Chip for agreeing to try her plan, and was about to do the same for Dale, but Chip fought Dale before then...I felt like that was kind of out of character, unless Gadget really does know how to consciously use her feminine wiles to get what she wants....). But since I don't like Gadget coupled with either chipmunk, maybe that's some of it. ^_- But Chip's reaction to the kiss was quite arguably equally motivated by competition with Dale as liking Gadget...

--Julie

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