Out of Scale

Episode written by Tad Stones

Summary by Paul Fawcett

Scene: A park, still wet and dripping from a recent rain. As we pan across, we see puddles on the ground, and a statue. The pan stops at a two-story light yellow building with a dome on top and a protruding entryway in the middle of the fašade. A pickup truck with a blue cab and yellow bed pulls up, and we see the occupants: a man with a long, pointy nose, black hair, and a thin face sits in the driver's seat, and a much chubbier bald man sits in the passenger's side. A light passes by, and they duck. It's a police car. "That's not a legal parking space," the policeman observes, stops the car, and talks into a radio. "Car 53 reporting suspicious activity at the quad."

Back at headquarters, the radio call continues: "Pickup truck parked on front lawn." "Ah, forget it, Ross," Spinelli responds, taking a bite of his sandwich. "Your shift was over a half-hour ago." He swallows what he's bitten off. "Besides," he continues, "what're they gonna do?" Back over the radio: "Steal a 400-ton statue in a pickup truck? Ha!" (That's about 36287.39 kg.) "10-4, Sarge," Ross replies. He puts the radio away, and drives off.

As dismissed by Spinelli, the pair approach the statue.

Back at HQ, Spinelli laughs at his own joke. "Yeah, that's a good one," he says. A short pan away, we see Monty peeking around from the back of a calendar. He sniffs the air. "Chee-eese popcorn!" Monty remarks, his eyes going into green and yellow circles and the ends of his moustache spiking out. He spots the bag beyond the books. He jumps onto the books, runs across, and dives into the balls of fluffy flavorfulness. Gadget peeks out from a hole behind a wanted poster for Brian Ray. "Monty, where are you?" she whispers. Monty is, of course, chowing down on cheese flavoring and kernels of heated corn. He finally breaks the side open and spills out. "Ahh!" says Monty, satisfied. "Nothin' like a good breakfast first thing in the mornin'!" "Monty! Over here!" Gadget calls, getting his attention this time. "I need you to try out a new invention for me." "Err, not today, Gadget, love," Monty says, holding his palms forward and shaking his paws while backing away... into Spinelli's field of view. "I gotta... uh, I gotta..." "Hey, there's that mouse!" Spinelli yells, which gets Monty's attention. "I've gotta get out of here!" Monty takes off. Spinelli knocks over his water and bag of popcorn in an attempt to catch him. Monty hops onto one computer key, then another, eliciting a beep each time.

(The keyboard, by the way, is quite interesting. If those four dark spaces are not keys, then Spinelli is limited to a 26-key keyboard; if they are keys, he fares little better with 30 keys. The keys themselves are arranged in a 4x8 grid with dark keys/empty spaces taking up the top half of the far left and far right columns, as well as the bottom of the third and fifth rows. It has 26 or 30 keys, and beeps when they're pressed. Sounds really annoying to work with.)

Gadget does a take and disappears behind the hole. A wise move, as Monty makes a hole in the wanted poster soon after. (The "edges" of the hole point opposite the direction of exerted force, somehow.)

A mailbox. Monty opens the door. "How 'bout gettin' the boys to help out?" he offers. "Good idea!" she agrees. "Chip and Dale should be finished with the laundry about now." Should?

Dissolve to the park. "Look what you made me do!" Dale grumbles. Crane up to the tree. "I did not," Chip retorts, "you did it yourself!" Leaves start falling. "Did, too!" "Did not!" Cut to the runway. Still no 'munks in sight. "Who's gonna clean up this mess?" Dale asks. Cut to the focus of the mess, a yellow jar which was apparently being used for handwashing clothes. Suds and water are seen on the floor. Chip stands beside it. "You made it," Chip replies, pulling Dale to the floor and pointing at the jar, "you clean it up!" "Oh yeah?" "Oh yeah?" Dale picks up a sweatshirt and puts it on Chip's head via the neck. (Is it just me, or did those arms migrate?) Chip stumbles backwards, bounces forward enough to gain stability, and shakes his head, water spraying off the garment. He finally throws it off in an upward direction, where it catches on a hanging basket of nuts. (They did migrate!) From the floor, Chip picks up some suds. Dale stands at a distance, back to Chip, with arms crossed. He turns his head, eyes closed, and blows a raspberry, sorely unaware of what this is going to invite... namely, being hit with suds in the face. "Why, you!" Dale growls, clearing the suds and charging at Chip. They leap at each other, intending to meet in midair...

"'EY!"

...and promptly fall straight to the floor. Momentum is no match for a good stout yell from Monty. "Are you two fighting again?" Monty asks, knowing what the real answer is. Gadget looks none too pleased, herself. "Of... course not!" Chip says. "We're just having a spirited discussion," he continues, picking Dale up by his shirt. "What's come over you two lately?" Gadget scolds. "All you ever do is argue. You are supposed to be Rescue Rangers!" The 'munks look sheepish and shuffle their feet nervously. "Besides," Monty says, walking around behind them, "deep down, you two are the best of mates, an' ya know it." Chip glares at Dale, while Dale rolls his eyes. Then both go nose to nose and growl. "Ah, now, come on," Monty urges, picking them up by their jacket and shirt, "shake hands and make friendly-like." He sets them down. "Oh, all right," Chip says, thrusting out his hand, but turning his head and looking up. Dale puts out his hand, but turns his head and closes his eyes. Clearly, both just want to get it over with. "That's more like it," Monty says, satisfied.

Meanwhile, the sweatshirt has continued to pull on the nut basket, which finally spills its contents, putting the sweatshirt back on Chip's head in the process. Dale is bonked in the nose by one. "This is your fault!" Chip accuses, throwing the sweatshirt back off of himself and pouncing Dale. They begin a high-speed fight, kicking up dust. "Here we go again," Monty says, despairingly.

"Excuse me," a pigeon with a red scarf says from the door. The mice and fly turn to meet him. "Is this a formal fight? You're all wearing tails." "Can't you see we're busy?" Chip says, exemplifying the true Ranger spirit. The cloud fades. "Well, don't mind me," he saying, walking over to a pincushion. "I'll just make myself at home. The others will be along shortly," he continues, sitting down. "After all, we need some place to roost, and this place is... ouch!" he flies up, away from the source of pain. "These pinfeathers are getting a little sharp," he says, examining a pin. "What are you talking about?" Chip says, somewhat impatiently. "Yeah, what others?" Dale continues, in the same vein. "The others who live on my statue," the bird explains. "A guy on a horse, about 30 feet high, a hundred tons?" (9.14 m; 9071.85 kg) "Last time I saw a statue like that," Chip recalls, "it was in front of the armory." "That's the one," the pigeon confirms. "It vanished overnight." "Vanished?!" Gadget repeats. "Golly! How could anyone steal a 400-ton statue?" Back to 400 tons. I guess she overheard Spinelli. "Ida know," the bird tells them, "but it was our favorite roosting spot. So now we're looking for new homes. And frankly, I like this place best, and I'll bet all my friends will, too!" The Rangers do a simultaneous take. "We'd better check this out right now," Chip decides. "Yeah," agrees Dale, "before it gets any more crowded in here!" "Hey," the pigeon calls after them, "do you mind if I check out the refrigerator while you're gone?" The bird is grabbed around the neck. "Hey, I found your home," he protests, and calls from the hangar, "it's your job to find mine!"

The mice have pilot and shotgun on the Wing. Gadget looks back. "Do you think you two can keep from fighting long enough for us to find the statue?" Gadget asks the two 'munks. "Of... course!"Chip declares from the wing. "When it comes to helping the helpless--" Dale reaches up and pulls him off, climbing up himself. "Dale, watch where you're going!" Chip scolds. "You watch where you're standin'!" Dale retorts, and boards. Chip gets back on as the propellers start. "I don't know what's gonna be harder," Monty observes, "findin' that statue, or keepin' these two from exterminatin' each other." We pan back to those two.

Dissolve to an office. The two from the pickup truck stand before at a man at a desk. The man is bald, has some facial "shadow", and wears a blue suit with thin black vertical stripes, a white shirt, and a red tie. "We got the statue, boss," the thin one says. Cut to the backside of the chair. "The machine worked perfectly," the fatter one adds. "When do we go after the real loot?" "Soon," the boss responds. "Duuh, how soon, boss?" the fat one asks. "As soon as you've gotten me a pair of squirrels," the boss replies, pulling out a cage. (I know of three, but there's no way I'd tell him about 'em...) "Squirrels?" the fat one asks, scratching his head. "There's no money in stealin' squirrels, boss." the thin one points out. "I know that, you idiots," the boss replies, standing up. "They're for my daughter, Buffy." He puts his hand on the cage. "Duh, but boss--" the fat one starts to protest, but the boss cuts him off. "Buffy wants squirrels!" He raises his arms, then brings his fists down forcefully onto the desk. The cage flies up into the air and the boss leans over the desk. The thin one catches the cage.

Dissolve to a four-story house with three gables. Its yard is fenced in with wrought iron. Two concrete posts mark the entryway. We track left to the other street. "Um, say, Rocco," the fat one asks,"is stealin' little animals against the law?" The pickup comes from behind the house and turns onto that street. "Of course it is, you uneducated lowlife," Rocco replies. Cut to inside the cab. The fat one breathes a sigh of relief. "Thank goodness," he says, "for a minute there, I was afraid we was gonna hafta go... straight." (Pause right after Rocco turns his head, and advance to when he opens his eyes. Weird eyes.) "There was lots of squirrels in the verdant woods surroundin' that statue we nabbed," Rocco recalls. "Leave us repair there posthaste." Ew, how purple.

Dissolve to the building from the first scene. We pan to the statue's former location. "That's where the statue used to be, all right," Monty recalls. "I remember it," Chip adds, "it was General Fogarty, riding his horse." "What could have happened to it?" Gadget ponders, unwittingly setting up Dale. "Maybe the horse got tired and ran away," Dale quips, giggling. Chip walks up to him. "If I hear one more crack out of you, I'm gonna give you--" he starts, raising a fist to bonk height. "Chi-ip!" Gadget interrupts, poking his chest. "--a nice pat on the head," he finishes, doing so. "Now, do you suppose you two could keep from fighting long enough to follow those footprints?" Gadget continues. "Dale sticks out his tongue at Chip, then realizes. "What footprints?" he asks. "The ones you're standin' in, mates," Monty points out. Indeed, as we get above them and zoom out, there are footprints there, and the 'munks are standing in one. "Okay, we'll see where these lead," Chip agrees. "The rest of you, examine that square. See if you can find out how the statue was taken."

Horizontal wipe. Two of the footprints are in view. "I'll betcha anything that these tracks belong to the crooks who stole the statue," Dale deduces. "No-o-o kidding," Chip responds, sarcastically. "Remember now," Dale brings up, "Gadget said no fighting." "Just make sure you stay out of my way," Chip warns. Suddenly... "What happened to the footprints?" Dale notices. (Maybe they got up and walked away. Hee hee.) "We've lost track of them, thanks to you," Chip says. "Me?" Dale replies, shocked. "What did I do?" "Nothing," replies Chip. "I said I wouldn't fight with you, so shut up so I can do it."

Dissolve to... pretty much the same scene. "Now, those footprints have gotta be around here somewhere," Dale says to himself. He pulls a branch (small, of course) back to pass it. Chip follows, and the branch smacks him in the face, knocking him out from under his hat. Chip groans, rubbing his nose. "Remember, no fighting," Dale comes back to remind Chip. Chip picks his hat up from... beside him? How'd that get there? He pulls it onto his head in frustration.

Horizontal wipe. Dale walks through some more foliage, when he hears something. "Chip?" Suddenly, he's picked up by human hands and measured by armspan and length. "Hey, Chip, cut it out!" he protests. Then he's dropped as Chip walks up. "Cut what out?" he queries. Dale gets up. "This is no time for games," he says, poking Chip's chest. "What the heck are you talking about?" Chip asks, poking Dale's chest. "Stop foolin' around," Dale replies, poking his chest again. "Who's fooling around?" Chip asks. "You are," Dale replies. We tilt up to the two crooks, who look on. "Squirrels," the uneducated lowlife misidentifies. Back to the 'munks. "All you ever do is get us into trouble,quot; Chip accuses. He starts to walk off, but the cage is dropped over them, the bottom is slid into place, and the cage is picked up and taken away! "Uh-oh," says Dale. "What did I tell you?" Chip points out. "Intelligent squirrels," the fat one says, not that he's one to gauge by. "We're not squirrels," Chip corrects, sticking his head through the bars, "we're chipmunks." "Come, Moose," says Rocco, as they go, "leave us take our bounteous catch to young Buffy, that she may frolic and gambol with her new pets." (Moose and Rocco. And they're looking for squirrels. I wonder what that could be a reference to...)

Cut to the sky. Thunder rumbles. We tilt down to the ground. "I don't see how anyone could get that statue out of here." Monty walks toward the camera. "Crikey!" he says. "Tire tracks." It starts to rain. The others run over. "From a pickup truck, I'd say," Gadget guesses. "But how could anyone carry a statue that huge... in a pickup truck?" Monty wonders. "There's only one way to find out," Gadget says. "Follow those tracks! We'll have to come back for Chip and Dale later." She, and presumably Monty, go to the Ranger Wing.

Cut to the office. A toy train enters through a hole in the left side of the back wall. "Train's comin', Buffy," the boss says. It exits through another hole. The two crooks enter, Rocco carrying the cage with the 'munks in it. "A pair of squirrels for your daughter's pleasure, boss," he says. "We're not squirrels," Dale tells them. "We're chipmunks!" Chip adds. "Excellent work, boys," the boss says, taking the cage and looking at his non-squirrel quarry. Chip gasps. "Do you know who that man is?" he asks, pointing. "It's Ignatz Ratskiwatski!" "Not Ratso Ratsiwatski!" Dale says, jumping into Chip's arms. "I've seen his picture on the wanted (subtitle says "warning") posters at the police station!" "Boys," Ignatz says, turning his ugly mug to address his underlings, "as you know, there's only one thing I love more than robbin', extortin', and terrorizin' innocent people, and that's indulgin' the every whim of my daughter. So these two squirrels... are going to... Buffy's room." Dale gulps. "I don't like the sound of that," he tells Chip. The cage is picked up.

"This is just great," Chip says as the cage is carried away by Mr. R. "You get us lost, you get us trapped, and now we're in the hands of the most notorious mobster in town." "Well, look on the bright side," Dale says optimistically, "it can't get any worse!" As ever, this statement will shortly be proven wrong. "Oh, Buffy," Ignatz calls, raising the cage and shaking it. "funsies from Daddy!" He places it on a set of toy train tracks. "Uh-oh," says Chip. In bounces a girl with red hair, blue pupilless irises, a fat face, a turned-up nose, buck teeth, a light blue dress with red collar, button, and waist ribbon, purple socks, and black shoes. She stops in front of the cage. "Oh, Daddy, they're so adorable!" she says. "Anything for my precious little squidgel-dee-oogums," he replies, hugging her head and chuckling. He walks away, leaving her to look at her new pets again. "I always wanted two precious little squirrels to call my very own," she says, opening the cage and taking them out. (Too bad she has no inkling what a squirrel looks like.) "Chipmunks," Chip tries to tell her. "My name's Buffy Ratskiwatski, and we're gonna play and have fun and be the bestest friends... forever." Not particularly welcome news...

(Fade to black. It's Rescue Rangers cereal, with cherry Chips, date Dales, grape Gadgets, and marshmallow Montys! You'll... wait, there's another cereal piece? Fade back in.)

The rain continues to fall as the Ranger Wing flies over the street. "Faster, Gadget," Monty urges, "the rain's wipin' out the trail!" "I'm going as fast as I--" Gadget says, looking back at Monty. "--WHOA!" both say as she dodges a bent street lamp. "The truck carryin' the statue must have hit that street lamp," Monty deduces as they circle it. "Let's check it out!" says Gadget.

Fade to Buffy's room. "Now we're gonna play house," she says, carrying them over to a house. "You'll love my dollhouses; they're just the right size for you! But first you need the right clothes." She sets them on a dresser. "Hey, stop!" protests Chip. "What are you doing?" She puts a blue robe on him. Dale giggles at him. "You'll be the daddy who lives in my dollhouses," Buffy continues, Chip glaring at Dale, "and you'll be the mommy." Dale's mirth is short-lived as Buffy puts a yellow dress with white apron on him. "Hey! Huh?" he reacts, before both are taken away.

"Now, this is where you'll live," Buffy continues. "Here's the kitchen and here's the living room." The dollhouse is a two-story split in two along the diagonal. The ground floor is the kitchen, and the top floor is the living room. She places Chip in an easy chair. "Now, you sit down and read the paper," she says, placing a paper in his hands and a pipe in his mouth, "and you clean house," she continues, handing a broom to Dale, who is standing in the other half of the living room. "Isn't this fun?" she asks, closing the dollhouse.

"No!" protests Chip, running for the crack... which is suddenly in the middle of a wall. "Let us out of here! You can't keep us in this prison!" He sits and shakes his fist. "Y'know," Dale chimes in, lifting part of the doily on the dresser, then dropping it. "for a prison, this isn't so bad. Kinda homey-like."

"Well, we're stuck here for now," replies Chip, stalking over to the green chair, "like it or lump it." He jumps into the easy chair. "At least the furniture isn't too lumpy." The bounce causes the pipe, which was placed in the arm of the chair, to fall onto the floor, spilling ashes. Dale darts into action. "Hey! Quit messing up my nice, clean floor," he scolds, sweeping furiously. "Since when did you get to be so bossy?" Chip queries, standing on the cushion. "Since I got to be the mommy!" replies Dale. Ah, funny.

"Time to go downstairs for breakfast," says Buffy, pushing down a conspicuous lever, which causes the rug to drop the 'munks into the kitchen, broom, chair, and all. They come to a stop in front of the refrigerator. "Oh, boy, am I hungry!" Dale exclaims, standing up and opening the refrigerator. He selects a drumstick, out of a two-layer cake with chocolate icing and a cherry, ice cream, flan, grapes, an apple, oranges, bread, and a green something with a stem. "What's to eat?" asks Chip, as Dale takes a bouncy bite. "Plastic food," groans Dale.

"Isn't this fun?" asks Buffy, observing. Ya asked that before, kid, and I don't think the answer's changed. "But what's this?" Buffy asks, putting her hands to the sides of her head in mock horror. She stands up and looks around. "Oh, no, an earthquake!" as she says this, she begins shaking the dollhouse!

Inside, the 'munks struggle to maintain footing, while plastic food falls out of the refrigerator and dishes out of the cupboards. "My good china!" Dale exclaims, rushing over to save what he can, though he's too late for most of it. "Knock it off," Chip says, bonking him slightly, causing him to drop the stack and look disenchanted.

From outside, we see Chip stick his head through the window. "That was fun," Buffy says. "Hmm. What next?" She turns to the window and sees that it's raining. "I know..."

Inside, the kitchen is littered with fake food, and dishes in various states of brokenness, including... not broken. "Now, how'm I gonna clean up this mess?" Dale asks, smiling through most of his question. "I wish you were this clean at home," Chip retorts. "Have you forgotten we're prisoners here?" Suddenly, the lights flash!

It's Buffy, with a flashlight. "It's a rainstorm!" she says. She drops the flashlight, opens the window, and brings in a hose with a spray nozzle. "No," she continues, smiling maliciously, "it's a hurricane!" She starts spraying the house.

"Come out and play in the rain," she taunts. "No way," replied Chip, closing the window. "Come out, come out, wherever you are," she continues. She stuck the hose into the chimney, flooding the 'munks out, and laughing as she sprays them. "Just remember," Chip says as they run into the spray for some reason, "this is all your fault!" "Is not!" says Dale, jumping Chip, beginning a tussle. Well, there goes not fighting until the case is solved. "Is too!" "Now, now," scolds Buffy, stopping the spray, "Cute little squirrels shouldn't fight." She picks them up. "Chipmunks!" they both correct, ineffectively. "Now we'll find a new fun game to play," says Buffy, walking out of shot.

Dissolve to the street corner with The Lamppost That Was Broken. It has stopped raining, but it's still a little cloudy, and, of course, wet. "Whoever was driving that pickup truck," Gadget observes, "really hit this lamppost." "I'll say it did," a semi-elderly rodent in a magenta headscarf, green robe, dark blue belt, violet fingerless gloves, and dark blue shoes confirms, walking up to them. "Hit it like a sack of potatoes. Wham-o!" She punctuates her onomatopoeia by punching the air. She continues around the corner. "Not that I pay attention to stuff like that. Not me, I mind my own business." Gadget and Monty look at each other, and go after her. "Even if they did look like a couple of gangsters," she continues, sorting through some garbage by the cans. "Did you see anything in the truck?" asks Gadget. "Yeah, like a 12-foot statue?" continues Monty. (3.66 m) Boy, now we're diverging on height. What next, the identity of the rider? The rodent sniffs a flower. "Not a thing, so far as I could see," she replies, tossing it over her shoulder and walking over to the garbage again. "But then, I don't go stickin' my nose where it doesn't belong." For some reason, such folks are excellent sources of information. Anyway, she does stick her nose into a can. "Did they leave anything behind?" Gadget asks. The rodent pops herself back out again. "Uh, no, not really," she replies, before getting up. "Nothing you'd be interested in." "Please, it's important!" Gadget says. "Well, now, when they was out checkin' the damage, I did nab this," she says, gesturing to... "A street map!" exclaimed Gadget. "Please," the rodent says, "That's my home you're referring to." "Maybe there's a clue," Monty says to Zipper, who replies by squeaking excitedly. They go over to it. "The City Art Museum is circled in red," Gadget points out. "Think that's where they'll strike next?" Monty asks. "If they haven't struck already," Gadget considers. "Come on, let's find Chip and Dale!" "Thanks for the help!" Monty says as they run past. "Sure, no skin off my nose," The rodent says. "Uh, you don't have any spare trash, do ya?"

Horizontal wipe to Dale (still in a dress) being tied to a toy merry-go-round. "Hey now! Stop it! Let me go!" he protests. "This is gonna be fun!" Buffy says, picking up a radio control and using it to turn on the toy. "See? We go round and round and we go up and down." Chip, wearing his hat again and still in the robe, is tied to the other horse. Dale gulps. There's Buffy's malevolent smile again. "And we go faster and faster," she continues, turning the speed dial both times she says "faster". "Gee, Chip," Dale says, as the toy's velocity increases, "I'm sorry I got us into this mess." "Forget it," Chip replies. "You're an angel... compared to that little monster." Said little monster increases the speed. "And faster and faster and faster!" Buffy exclaims. Finally, the centripetal force is just too much, and the toy flies apart. "Oh, the merry-go-round broke down," Buffy says.

Dale flies and lands in a large yellow duck's lap. Chip, however, lands... right behind General Fogarty! Dale looks around. "It's the missing statue!" Chip says, identifying his landing surface. "But... how could it be?" His wonderings are interrupted by Buffy. "Okay, time for a new game, and this one's gonna be even funner!" Chip gulps.

Cut to... the Gigantico Gun! "That shrinkin' gizmo we stole from Professor Nimnul worked like a charm on the statue," Rocco says. "Yes," agrees Ratso, going to a door, "But you fools had to steal Professor Nimnul along with it." He opens the door, revealing Nimnul, bound around the torso and gagged, squirming. He pulls down Nimnul's gag, giving him the opportunity to yell, "How dare you treat a brilliant scientific genius like--" Ratso closes the door on him, cutting off further protests. "Now boys," Ratso continues, "don't make any mistakes on this job. I want the whole building." "We'll be back posthaste, boss," Rocco says. "Yeah," Moose chimes in, "but this time, we'll try not to hit the post."

Cut to the 'munks, tied up again, and in a toy car. Dale is in the passenger's side, and Chip is in the driver's side, but Buffy is the one doing the driving, courtesy of the radio control. Hence the screaming from both. "Whee! Here come the world-famous racing squirrels!" Even in their predicament, the 'munks are not lax in saying "Chipmunks!" before going back to screaming. "Oh, no, the train's coming," Buffy says, putting them on a collision course. The train easily knock the car off track, ejecting the 'munks when it comes to the end of its spin. This also has the side effect of breaking their bonds. "Next time, I'm driving!" Dale says. "Come on," Chip says. "We're getting out of here!" "How?" asks Dale. "We're taking the train!" he replies as they leap onto a drum... only to be caught by Buffy as they try to bounce aboard. "Oh, for shame!" she scolds, shaking them a bit. "Trying to run away. Bad, bad naughty squirrels! Now we'll have to play an extra-special game," she continued, giggling.

Cut to the museum. "This concoction of the Professor's better still work," says Rocco, and aims the gun. "Wait," asks Moose, pulling down Rocco's arm. "what if there's people inside?" So he should shrink the earth instead? Careful, man. It'll be a small world after all. "It's Monday," Rocco points out irritatedly, holding up his arms before bonking Moose on the head, knocking him to the ground. "Museums is closed on Monday. Ain't you got no culture?" Rocco then gets back to the job at hand, and aims the gun.

Up in the sky, the Ranger Wing flies. "There's the pickup truck," Monty points out. "But what are those two men doing down there?" Gadget asks.

Rocco answers her question by firing a pink and white beam at the museum. It rumbles, and shrinks, much to the surprise of the occupants of the Wing. Moose looks on in delight, and the two crooks walk over. "Ah, the world of the fine arts at my fingertips," Rocco says. Moose holds a sack open, and Rocco loads it up. "Come, Moose," he continues, "leave us blow." Moose swings the City Art Museum over his shoulder, unintentionally clonking Rocco on the head, making his walking a little wobbly.

"They've shrunk the whole building with some sort of ray gun," Gadget says, stating the obvious. The truck starts. Uh oh! The truck have started to move! "Follow that pickup truck!" Monty says. No kidding? You think that might be a good strategy? The truck does a u-turn.

Horizontal wipe to Ratso's office. "C'mon, Professor," Ratso demands. "What other gadgets you got cooked up?" Inside, it echoes. "Um, I can't think of any," Nimnul says. Outside, Ratso goes to the door. "Well, you better think of any," Ratso threatens, starting to open the door, "or else I'm gonna--" "One shrunk-down art museum for your pleasure, boss," Rocco says. Ratso runs over to the sack Rocco is holding open. He grabs the sack and shoves the two men out into the hall. "The city'll pay plenty when they get my ransom demand," he tells them, walking out into the hall. "And in the meantime," he continues, tossing the sack over his shoulder and carrying it, then opening the door to Buffy's room, "look, precious! A new dollhouse for my little oogie-woogums." Moose and Rocco step up behind him. Ratso is narrowly missed by a radio-controlled airplane with Chip strapped within. Chip gasps, and the plane loops. He screams as it heads for a painting of some mountains. It turns, missing the painting. Ratso laughs. "Isn't that sweet?" he says. You wouldn't think so if you hadn't ducked earlier, man. "Look at that cute little game she's playing." We see Buffy bent over at the tracks, Apparently, nobody's at the plane controls! Dale, still in the dress, is being tied to the tracks. Then, she picks up the plane controls. "Now, you're the hero flying to rescue the damsel in distress," she tells Chip. A train whistle blows, and the train comes around the bend. "Will he get there in time?" she asks. "He'd better," Dale says.

(Fade to black.)

A Wing's-eye view of Ratso's place. "That's where the pickup went," Gadget says. Indeed, it's parked in front of the building. The Wing is hovering. "The museum must be in there," Monty deduces. "Zipper, scout it out." Zipper squeaks an "Alright!" and flies off.

Rocco drops the City Art Museum out of the sack and onto the floor and walk away. Zipper flies to the window and looks around. He sees Chip in a plane, and Dale about to be run over by a train! Or is he? The train is diverted onto another track. Buffy is playing with the switch, and looks up. Daddy looks on adoringly, a tear running down his cheek. Zipper flies off. (Pause before he does, and look at those eyes. Weird, huh?)

Back at the Wing, Zipper squeaks rapidly at the two mice. "Chip and Dale? In trouble?" Monty says. Zipper squeaks an "Uh-huh!", and the Wing switches out of hover mode, and flies toward the house. "Ram it, Gadget!"

Inside, Buffy is playing with the airplane controls as the three crooks look on. "What a clever girl," says Ratso. Sir, there's a velociraptor I'd like to introduce you to. "Takes after my side of the family."

Incoming Wing! It breaks through the window. "Are these your mice?" Ratso asks, grabbing it. (A risky manuever, I'd say, what with the unguarded props and all.) Buffy looks over. "No, but I've always wanted mice!" she says, dropping the plane controls, causing them to break. "Can I have them, Daddy? Huh? Can I? Can I? Can I?" Chip continues to scream as his plane flies around out of even the possibility of being controlled. However, it hits the inside of a drum and bounces. "Well," Ratso says, picking up Monty by the tail, "Iiiii don't know if you should have mice as pets." "We're nobody's pets, mate," says Monty, reaching for the plunger gun controls. Zipper activates the gun for him, hitting Ratso right on the nose. "Hey!" Ratso says, dropping the Wing and Monty in surprise. The two mice leap out and run off. "My mice!" Buffy yells. "They're getting away!" "Have you free in a jiff, Dale, old mate!" Monty says, snatching Dale out of the train's path just in time. "Why, Dale," Monty remarks, "what a lovely dress." Dale glares and does an aside glance. "Oh, shut up," he says. Gadget pulls the now-free Chip out of the drum. (He's back in the robe! Did he put it on of his own accord?!?) "Catch 'em, Daddy!" Buffy demands. So, of course, he's not so concerned about the mice-as-pets thing, and runs toward them. "Don't worry, princess, I'll--" Trip over a fly, followed by Moose and Rocco. Buffy walks over and glares at the pile, wrists on hips.

Monty, the 'munks, and Gadget run behind a doll. Chip (with his hat again) takes off the robe while Dale glares at the dress, then takes it off, too. "What about the museum?" Monty asks. "What museum?" Dale asks, thankfully oblivious. "Remember that ray gun Professor Nimnul used to turn Zipper into a giant?" Gadget recalled. No, but I remember the ray gun he used to make some pill bugs unusually large, and Zipper was accidentally blasted by it once. "I think they're using it in reverse to shrink things down." Zipper squeaks and points, and they all run over. "There it is!" Monty says. "Then we've gotta find the Gigantico Gun!" Gadget says, as the underlings and Buffy look around. It's our only hope of getting the museum back to normal size." "Hey, where did you go, little friends?" Ratso says, holding a baseball bat. "Come out, come out." "Somebody's gonna hafta hold them off," Monty tells the others. Chip and Dale seem to have something in mind. "Leave that to us," Chip says, putting an arm around his buddy Dale. "Rescue Rangers, away!" the five cry, and take off in different directions.

Chip runs in through the hole in the drum. Instantly, the plane comes out of the hole the right way around. (Nice of the manufacturers to make the controls in the plane functional, as well.) He flies at Ratso, who ducks. Monty hops a train into the next room. Meanwhile, Kimball's Bon-Bons are loaded into the toy tank. Dale jumps out of the box, laughs wickedly, and drives forward. He plows through a Lincoln log cabin. Gadget and Zipper sit in the cab of a dump truck. "Let's go, Zip." They drive out with Rocco and Moose in pursuit. "I'm gonna exterminate those stinkin' rodents!" Ratso says in frustration, picking up a drum. "No!" protests Buffy. "They're mine, and I love them!" A tank pulls up as she's looking the other direction. "I was just having fun!" "Try this for fun!" Dale says, and fires chocolate goop at her face. "WAAAAAAHHHH!" cries Buffy, waving her arms. Oh dear, somebody call the WAAAAAAHmbulance. "These animals don't play fair!" You mean they should do to you what you've done to them? Sounds like a plan! Ratso picks up the tank, and Dale closes the hatch. Ratso tries to peek into the gun barrel, and gets shot with chocolate for his troubles. "No squirrel makes a fool out of Ratso Ratskiwatski," he intones, reaching into his coat. "No," agrees Chip from above, "but chipmunks do!" He flies the plane through the rope holding up the chandelier. Offscreen THUD! Ratso sits, conked by the chandelier. "Now Buffy's... got birds," he says, dazed. Blue birds, it seems.

The plane flies into the hall."Stop it," Moose says, knocking over furniture in his and Rocco's pursuit of the truck. "Not so fast," Chip says, cutting through the top of a tacky tapestry depicting the earth with a sword through it and a yellow ribbon in front of it against a purple background. It falls on them, leaving the truck to get away and the pursuers to struggle.

Truck, plane, and tank all fly into another room.

"No sign of the gizmo ray gun anywhere," says Monty, riding into a different room on a train. "Gotta put on more speed." He pushes on the throttle, and it goes faster.

Back in the kitchen, the other Rangers are loading up the truck with baked goods (and other foods) for those half-baked bads. (Sorry, Tick.) "Dale takes a whiff of the cheese he's holding. "EEEEeeewww! Limburger cheese," he says, disgusted. "It's a good thing Monty isn't here. He'd love it!" 'E'll be there in a jiff, mate, now that it's come into play. He tosses the cheese onto the truck. It begins to emit a visible smell, which drifts through the air vents...

Boiler room. Monty notices some windy track ahead. "Uh-oh," he says, "better cut down speed." All thoughts of that rapidly vanish from his mind when the smell reaches Monty's nose, inducing a cheese attack. "CheeEEeeEEeeEEeeeese!" he says, and abandons the train to fly of the track and into the boiler, where it explodes.

The two Ratskiwatskis run into the hallway. Ratso uncovers his goons. "They're in yonder pantry, boss," Rocco reports. "Now we've got 'em!" However, smoke come from the vent, obscuring their vision. Monty comes running out of the wall tunnel, following cheese scent. "CheeEEeeEE-- oof!" Monty begins, but trips over something. "The Gigantico Gun!" Monty tries to pick it up, but the scent has other things in mind, and drags him away by the tail. "Gotta (subtitle says "Gonna") get the gun!" Monty says, resisting the pull. He tries to pick up the gun again. The scent taps him on the shoulders and fills his nostrils, giving him the strength to hoist the gun onto his head and run! "CheeEEeeEEeeEEeeeese!" he says, again.

The crooks and brat run into Buffy's room, coughing. Monty runs in carrying the gun, then drops it by the tunnel. "CheeEEeeEEeeEEeeeese! "When I get my hands on those rodents--" Ratso begins, rubbing his eyes. Gadget drives in. "Now!" she yells, pulls a sharp turn that takes advantage of the laws of physics to send a bunch of food in the crooks' direction. Score! Buffy takes cover behind her dollhouse as Dale fires chocolate. Chip flies in and splats her with a pie, eliciting more sobbing. Monty nabs the cheese, and Ratso nabs him, and Gadget, too! "Gotcha," he says. "And you, too. You dirty rats. I'm gonna crush you with my bare hands," he continues, shaking them as they grunt under the pressure. "And when I'm done with you, I'm gonna get those squirrels, too!" "Chipmunks!" yell the 'munks, as they blast the City Art Museum and the statue of General Fogarty riding his horse with the Gigantico Gun, this time on the setting for increasing something's size. Ratso drops the mice. "Oh no!" he says, realizing what's about to happen as the targets rumble and increase in size. "My dollhouses! WAAAAAHHHHH!" Buffy wails. "Leave us get out of here, boss." Rocco suggests. They all escape the ensuing explosion, which leaves the City Art Museum in place of Ratso's place. "I should have never broken my cardinal rule..." Ratso says. "NO ANIMALS IN THE HOUSE!" Rocco starts pushing them. "Come, boss, leave us depart before the cops get here." Rocco urges as Moose tiptoes behind. "Think that'll get the cops' attention?" Chip asks from the Wing, up in the sky again. "Look!" Gadget points. The crooks are running for it, but the sound of approaching sirens tells them they're running in the wrong direction, and change their direction, a police van and car in pursuit. "We did it!" exclaims Dale. "We sure did," agrees Chip. "And I'm sure glad to see you two've stopped squabblin'," Monty says. "What?" Dale asks, shocked, and throwing his arms around his buddy Chip briefly. "Why, we never fight, do we, Chip?" He gives Chip a slap on the back that knocks him to the floor of the plane. "Offff course not," Chip says, getting up, dazed. "We just don't always see eye to eye," He falls back to the floor.

"No," says Nimnul, as we pan across the wreckage, " they can't do this!" We see that he is hanging from the point of General Fogarty's sword, squirming to free himself. "They can't use my invention to create devastation like this, without giving credit to me!" Kirby's hands reach up and handcuff him, completing the set as Muldoon stands by. "Honest," Nimnul tells Kirby, "I had nothing to do with this." Well, other than creating the device that made it possible.

Dissolve to the police van. "I'm finished, you hear? Finished," Ratso says, beginning to sob. "No ransom, my house destroyed, on my way to prison, totally wiped out. And whyyyyyy? Because you... had to have some stinking pets!" "Oh, yeah?" Buffy retorts, standing on the seat and stomping. STOP THE VAN! >:-D Aww, the driver isn't listening to us transcriptionists... "What about me? All my dollhouses were wrecked, and I want a new toy!" Ratso facepalms. "AAAAAHHHHHHH SHUT UP!" Ratso yells, causing her to fly off the seat. His goons applaud. "Yes, very sharp," Rocco remarks. "All right." "That's more like it," Moose agrees. "I wish I could've done it like..." "Yeah." says Rocco. The van takes them into the city as the Ranger Wing flies from the upper right off the lower left of the screen. Roll credits.

 

Rescue Rangers and all characters and episodes copyright the Walt Disney Corporation and used without permission.

Special thanks to the subtitlers of the Chip 'n' Dale Rescue Rangers DVDs.

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