Mind Your Cheese & Q's

Episode written by Michael Price Nelson and Burt Brown

Summarized by John Nowak (who prefers a good aged Asiago black wax to brie of any year)

 

The show opens with a shot of a kite, being flown by a young girl in the park. We pan over to a picnic the Rangers have laid out. Chip expresses the general sense with the line, "Oh boy! A nice relaxing picnic."

Gadget asks, "What's for lunch, Dale?" Dale licks his lips and reaches into a walnut shell picnic basket to unload the food.

"Sandwiches," he explains. "I made them myself," and takes out two sandwiches, one of which he hands to Zipper and the other to Chip. Zipper is flattened by the impact of lunch. Chip takes a large bite of his and develops a quizzical expression. He opens his sandwich to reveal it is empty - there is nothing on the two slices of bread.

"I, uh, think maybe you forgot something?" Chip says with remarkable self control. Zipper opens his sandwich to find it, too, has no filling.

"Well," Gadget points out, looking into a third bread sandwich, "he did remember the bread." Dale opens his with a disgusted expression.

"Hey!" he snaps. "Someone's eaten the cheese in my cheese sandwiches!"

The three frown and turn to the obvious suspect. Zipper flies over and follows their gaze. "Monty!"

Monty is dozing comfortably, but their cry makes him get up and begin to weakly justify himself. "Well, I didn't mean to - uh, I couldn't help myself. Just the smell of cheese and I lose control!"

We then cut to an infuriated Chip and Dale. "Eat my lunch again," Dale threatens, "and I'll lose control! I was out all morning looking for a store that has cheese." <Dale's line here is subtle foreshadowing - it eventually makes sense.>

"Monty," Chip snaps, "one of these days your craving is going to cause big trouble."

The kite we saw earlier stalls and drops towards the ground. It flies over the Rangers' picnic and somehow Gadget is snarled in the tail. "Help!" she cries as it carries her airborne. "HE-E-E-ELP!" <Gadget does a lot of this this episode. Just warning you.>

Zipper, with a determined expression, races after the soaring kite, buzzing "I'll save you! I'll save you!". He braces himself to catch Gadget, and being a fly, gets knocked tail over wings and drops to the ground. Chip swings into action.

"Grab the kite string, and bring her down!" he yells, as Dale and Monty follow him at a run. The two chipmunks and Monty grab the end of the kite string, wrap it around the ankles of the little girl flying the kite, and send her crashing down. She drops the string, and the three grab it.

"The power line!" Gadget yells. "Hurry before I look like the Bride of Frankenstein!"

Having successfully mugged the child and stolen her kite, the trio tries to land the kite. Joined by Zipper, the boys start pulling on the kite string. They stand under a park bench where someone is eating lunch. Ominously, a wedge of cheese is clearly visible printed on a bag next to him.

"C'mon mates!" yells the burly Australian. "Heave!" As the boys grunt under the strain, the bag of cheese snacks appears in a close up.

The smell of cheese wafts down to Monty, who has a cheese attack, lets go of the kite string, and floats up to the bench. The chipmunks and fly watch Monty's departure with horror, and the jerk (I mean the sharp tug) pulls the string out of their hands. Gadget, realizing what happened, draws upon her experience as a pilot and engineer and does the only possible thing: she screams in terror.

Chip, Dale, and Zipper sprint after the kite. Monty emerges from the cheese snacks. "Yum, cheese," he says. His head jerks to one side and he seems to realize what he's done.

The kite crashes next to a tree, while Gadget screams like a maniac.

"Uh oh!" cries Monty, who downs a last cheese puff and races off after the chipmunks.

The chipmunks are at the crash scene, violating FAA regulations in a fruitless search for the missing miss. Monty reverently removes his helmet. "I've broken her into itty-bitty-bits," he cries, despairingly.

"Why, you cheese-crazed rodent," snarls Dale. "This is all your fault!"

We then cut to a horrified and shamefaced Monty, and pan quickly up to a birds nest in the tree. Gadget emerges and looks about, curiously. Zipper, vastly relieved, buzzes "You're okay!" and embraces her. Gadget looks down at her friends with an evil grin.

"I'm so ashamed," chokes a stricken Monty. "One whiff of cheese and I become a muenster - I mean, monster!" Using a leaf to control her fall, Gadget leaps out of the nest and drops gently earthward. "If only Gadget were all right," Monty swears, "I'd never munch another piece of cheese again! Ever!" She lands behind him with a cry of, "Surprise!"

"Gadget!" Monty yells, turning to embrace her. "You're all right!"

"You were lucky this time," Chip reminds him. "But next time, someone could get hurt."

"There won't be a next time," Monterey assures him. "From now on, I'm on the cheese wagon."

We zoom in on the Ranger Tree to indicate the passage of time. Zipper stands guard at the front door, armed with a needle and a grim expression. Monty paces nervously, in withdrawal. "I've just gotta get me a slice," he says. "A sliver. Please, Zipper. You don't know what it's like living cheese-free. Let me out--for old time's sake?"

Zipper slowly shakes his head. "Nuh-uh," he buzzes.

"But I'm going crazy, I tell ya, crazy!" Monty begins to experience hallucinations. Zipper turns into a wedge of cheese with wings. Monty has a cheese attack.

Zipper is saved when the door swings open. Gadget, Chip, and Dale enter bearing small (to Humans) cans.

"You can relax now, Monty," Gadget says soothingly. "These tasty expensive gourmet snacks will end your cheese cravings."

"What," gasps Monty. "What?"

A small blooper appears. Although the three of them carried in two cans, Gadget, Chip, and Dale stand behind three cans.

"Caviar," explains Chip, opening his can.

"And French pate," says Dale, opening his. Gadget stands next to a third can which is not opened or mentioned hereafter.

Desperately, Monty gulps down handfuls of each. "What is this stuff?" he asks, annoyance and disappointment clearly etched on his features. "Tastes like liver and fish eggs."

"Whaddaya know," observes a surprised Gadget. "It is liver and fish eggs."

"Well," asks the unobservant Chip, "What do you think?"

"I think," Monty says, "I'd wrestle a gator for a good piece of cheese."

We dissolve to Gadget peering into an open door. Chip, Dale and Zipper come up behind her as she gently closes it.

"We got rid of every piece of cheese-" Dale begins.

Gadget hushes him. "He's finally asleep."

Monty is sleeping without covers on a hammock. He wears blue long johns with a drop seat. Stirring uncomfortably, he dreams of a wedge of cheese, and wakes himself lunging for it.

We next see a door with a tripwire attached to the handle. Monty sneaks up to the door and notices the wire. "What's this?" he asks, and notices the other end is tied to the foot of Chip, who is sleeping with Dale next to the door. "Pretty clever," Monty admits, and beginning to make a rope out of laundry, "but not quite clever enough."

Monty has escaped into the night and has made it to the police station. "Precinct house, Spinelli speaking," says a detective into a phone.

On the other end of the line, we hear a woman's voice. "Officer, I want to report a highway robbery."

Monty sneaks into shot, and sees a mousetrap baited with a peanut.

"Whereabouts, ma'am?" asks Spinelli.

"At the grocery store," she explains. "Have you seen the price of cheese lately?"

Spinelli taps the table impatiently. "Look," he tells her. "What do you want me to do about it? There's a cheese shortage."

"Cheese shortage?" Monty echoes, apparently learning this for the first time. He stands next to the mousetrap and realizes it is baited with a peanut instead of the traditional cheese. "Nuts," he curses, slapping the peanut out of shot. "They can't do this to me." An idea strikes him. "I know. The pizza parlor. They always have cheese!"

Monty trots up to a pizza joint, and stares into the window. "Where is everybody?" he asks. "This place is always hopping this time of night." He notices a sign in the window and reads it. "Closed due to cheese shortage." He slaps himself in the face and collapses. "Oh, no." he says. "This can't be."

Daylight, back at the Ranger Tree, Gadget has found Monty's rope leading out the window. "He must have escaped out the window," she deduces.

"Let's check all his usual traps," Chip says at the door, "before he gets into trouble." They all bolt out the front door.

A dejected Monty walks down the street. He turns a corner and sees a long line of mice, each holding a trinket made of gold. The line leads to Rat Capone, who sits behind a desk, flanked by Arnold Mousenegger and Sugar Ray Lizard. Behind them is an open mouse hole, filled with cheese.

Capone examines an offering. "Gold ring, nice." He says. Capone is voiced in an impersonation of James Cagney. He drops the ring into a carpetbag. The mouse who brought it is rewarded with a wedge of cheese. The next mouse shows his prize. "Gold tooth, not bad," and also receives some cheese. The next is an aged mouse who humbly offers a button.

"Ah no, you dirty rat," says Capone. "This is brass. No gold, no cheese. See?"

"Oh, please, Mr. Capone," begs the old gentleman. "I haven't eaten in three days."

"If I had a heart, you'd be breaking it," Capone informs him. "Now scram!" He snaps his fingers. Mousenegger grabs the old mouse and drop-kicks him into the street.

"Ha ha ha," says Sugar Ray. "What a sense of humor, boss." He pats Capone on the back. We begin to suspect Sugar Ray is a Brown Nosed Gekko.

"Yeah," says Mousenegger, "And you're funny, too." <Here I've got to insert an editorial comment. Mousenegger is a colossal waste of joke material. First, he's a rat, not a mouse, as his carefully drawn naked tail makes clear. Second, the voice actor made no effort to give him an Austrian accent. Finally, there was no particular attempt at giving Mousenegger any Schwartzenegger-spoof characteristics. He's big, but it's a sloppy big instead of a Mr. Universe big; and in general he behaves more like another Lenny spoof than the guy who broke the accent barrier for action stars in the United States. The same could be said for Sugar Ray Lizard, I imagine, but I'm really not up on late eighties boxer trivia so I couldn't say for sure.>

The two flunkies laugh uproariously. "Shaddap," Capone tells them. Monty crashes through the line, and appears in front of Capone.

"Well," asks Capone, "Whaddaya want?"

Monty has a cheese attack, and is only able to say "Ch - ch - cheeeeeeese!"

"Not without g-g-gold," Capone explains. "Arnold! Sugar Ray! Take care of this mouse moocher, will you?"

"Yeah, sure thing, boss," Arnold says. Sugar Ray and Arnold toss Monty away. Once he stops bouncing, the Rangers appear. "Monty! What happened?" asks Chip.

"A crime," he tells them. "A horrible one! Someone has stolen all the cheese in town! C'mon. I'll show you." Monty races off and the Rangers follow.

Rat Capone hands a piece of cheese to the last customer. "All right you mugs, time to close up shop. End of today's ration."

"Yeah," says Mousenegger. "And there ain't no more cheese neither." <Actually, Mousenegger is wrong. The mouse hole behind them is still filled with cheese.>

The three gangsters walk off, locking the door to the mouse hole and ignoring a few last customers who beg for cheese.

"If there's a shortage," Gadget asks, "Where does Rat Capone get his cheese?"

"That's what we're going to find out," Chip decides. "Let's follow him!"

A fleet of milk trucks zip out to a farm. Rat Capone and his gang leap out of one; after a moment, the Rangers leap out a second. They're lucky the trucks were all going in the same direction. Rat Capone's gang goes into a barn through a drainpipe. "They slipped inside the dairy," Chip explains, and the Rangers follow Capone inside.

Inside the barn, a number of cows stand around a tremendous milk processing machine. It doesn't look much like the way real cows in a dairy are kept, but never mind. "Maybe these cows know where they went," Chip suggests. "Excuse me, Bossy, but we're looking for two beady-eyed rats, and a crazy-looking lizard. Have you seen them?"

"No," says the cow. "Now please leave me alone. I've got my own problems. The dairy men told us if we didn't think milk, they'd think hamburger!"

"According to this," says Gadget, standing next to a half-empty tank of milk, "these milk tanks are half empty."

"There's a news flash," the cow says. "No matter how hard we try, we can't fill it up! It never changes! I can't figure it out!"

"Hmm," says Chip. "Something's weird here."

"Look," says Gadget from her vantage point. "Rat Capone's henchmen." Arnold and Sugar Ray are pushing a skate heaped high with gold.

"Look!" yells Arnold. "We've got company!"

The Rangers go after them. "Gee," says Sugar Ray. "We better alert the boss."

"Yeah! And tell him, too!" suggests Arnold. He pushes the skate and runs over Sugar Ray, who gets up and sprints after him.

Arnold, Sugar Ray, and the skate swerve into a barn. The rangers stop, puzzled. "Hey, where'd they go?" asks Dale.

"They've got to be around somewhere," Monty puzzles.

Beneath the dairy, slave mice wearing chains and diapers feed cheese through a conveyer belt and a guillotine - like cheese slicer. Sugar Ray and Arnold bring the laden skate into Rat Capone's treasure room. "More loot for you, boss," says Sugar Ray. "Them mice are stealing the city blind."

"Heh heh," says Capone. "Watch this, fellas," he says, burrowing into a pile of loot. "I'm up to my neck in gold. It's a joke." (and well below the standard he's shown so far)

"Oh," say his henchmen, and laugh.

"Shut up," Capone snaps. "Silence is golden."

"Oo, ooh!" yells Sugar Ray, waving his hand.

"Now what?" and annoyed Capone asks.

"Hey boss, that fat mouse we threw out of line brought his friends and now they're nosing around upstairs." Sugar Ray explains.

"Yeah?" says Capone. "Well, they ain't getting any of my cheese, see, not now, not never."

Two slaves pushing a cheese laden skate enter the shot. "Another load for the cheese vault, master," they say.

"Sugar Ray," says Rat Capone, handing him a key, "Take care of it."

"Sure thing, Boss." Sugar Ray opens a milk can with a locked top. Inside is a heap of cheese.

Out on the surface, Gadget and Dale race up to Chip and Monty.

"Any luck?" asks Chip.

"No," says Gadget. "It's as if they just vanished."

Monty sniffs the air and has a cheese attack. "Cool it, Monty," says Dale. "The cow says there isn't any." Dale twirls a finger at his temple.

"But Dale," Gadget points out, "if Monty smells cheese, there must be some."

"And I'll bet where there's cheese," says Chip, "there's Rat Capone. Follow the scent, Monty."

"But remember," Gadget interrupts, "control yourself."

"Don't worry," Monty assures her, in the throes of a Cheese attack, "I'm in complete control." He then sprints off, as his friends chase after him.

"Monty, slow down!" Gadget yells.

"I'm in control, I'm in control...I'm out of control! I'm out of control!"

The other Rangers turn a corner and skid to a halt. "Terrific," Chip gripes. "Now he's disappeared too."

Monty tears a door into a wall. He steps jerkily forward, sniffing. "Swiss. Brie. Cheddar. Adam." He stares through a ventilation grill at the cheese vault. "The promised land!" he proclaims. He tears the ventilation grill off the wall, and bolts into the next room.

Sugar Ray and Arnold watch in shock as Monty races past them, into the vault, and slams the door behind him. "The mooching mouse!" Arnold realizes.

In the sealed vault, Monty tucks in, and starts a blissfully short rendition of "99 Pieces of Cheese on the Wall," and hiccups.

The vault is opened. Capone, Arnold, and Sugar Ray look in. "Why, you dirty rat," Capone hisses.

"Uh-oh," says Monty.

Arnold lifts Monty. "You'll pay for this," Capone assures him.

"Maybe he's got some gold on him," Arnold suggests, and starts shaking Monty upside down. A few items drop out, but obviously nothing of value.

"That does it," snaps Capone. "Boys, take this oversized bib (?) to the bottling plant!"

"What for?" asks Arnold.

"Have him...homogenized!" Capone leers.

Monty gasps in horror. "No! Wait! Whoa!" he pleads as they roll him away.

Monty is rolled to a convenient plank jutting over a huge vat of milk. "So long, cheeseball," Sugar Ray says before they roll him off. Monty screams and vanishes under the surface.

"So much for that demise," Sugar Ray says as the two cads walk off, satisfied with a job well done.

"So much for that de-mouse," Arnold says in his best line.

A line of bottles on a conveyer belt are being filled with milk in sequence. With a yelp, Monty pops out of the valve and is forced into a bottle. He is then capped. Chip and Gadget race into the room. The bottle with Monty is clearly visible in the background, moving on the belt.

"Monty, oh, Monty!" yells Gadget.

"I don't see him anywhere," says Chip.

"He's ... gone," Dale gasps out sadly.

Monty's bottle is meanwhile heading towards what looks like a steam sterilizer (so actually, Monty was going to be pasteurized, not homogenized...) He is able to knock the bottle off the belt, and rolls away, hollering.

"It's Monty!" Chip yells.

The milk bottle makes a beeline for them, finally knocking the three over. They've really got to learn to scatter. "Anybody get the license number of that milk truck?" Dale asks groggily.

Monty's bottle comes to a halt. Chip pulls off the top. "I'm stuck, mate," Monty says apologetically.

"This is going to take a group," Chip points out. The Rangers begin to pull at Monty. Zipper grabs Monty's ears and braces against his nose, which doesn't seem productive.

"Hey, easy on the ears!" Monty complains. A moment later, he pops free and the Rangers collapse into a pile.

"Monterey," Dale asks. "How did this happen?"

"Rat Capone and his stooges, that's how," Monty explains, and gives himself away with a hiccup.

"No," Dale says, poking Monty's soft stomach. "I mean that gouda gut."

"Don't worry," says Monty. "I've had my fill. I never want to see cheese again."

"Waitaminnit!" says Gadget. "You found cheese? Where?"

"In Rat Capone's hideout, where else?" Monty says. "And let me tell you. Capone's one tough rat."

"Then we'll have to outsmart him," Chip says. "I have a plan. Now listen." They form a huddle.

Monty is hauling on a rope, lifting a milk crate to form a simple tiger trap. Chip is dressed in a purple zoot suit; Dale in a driver's hat and suspenders, and Gadget in a sleek red Jessica Rabbit dress, and is wearing eye shadow. "Now remember," Chip tells Monty. "Soon as we lure Capone out the door, you lower the boom. I mean crate. Got it?"

"Don't worry about a thing, mate," Monty assures him.

Inside, a line of slaves with cheese in sacks enter the cheese vault. "Hurry it up, you two. And no free samples," snaps Sugar Ray.

"Yeah," affirms Arnold. "And don't eat none, neither!" He makes a grab for a piece but Sugar Ray slaps his hand.

"Knock it off, youse guys," says Rat Capone. "Can't a rat polish his gold in peace? I like to see my kisser in it." A knock comes from the door. "Now what?"

The door swings open. The disguised Chip, Dale and Gadget march in. "Who are you?" Capone asks.

"Scarface Dillinger," Chip states.

Gadget blows a chewing gum bubble, which bursts. "And we're Bubbles and Clyde."

"We're the big boys from uptown," Chip explains, threateningly.

"Oh yeah?" Rat Capone says. "Well, meet my big boys. Arnold Mousenegger, and Sugar Ray Lizard."

Chip goes toe to toe with Capone. "So you're the two-bit rat who's been muscling in on our cheese racket."

"Hey hey hey. Nobody talks to Rat Capone that way!"

"Yeah?" asks Dale. "Let's you and me step outside."

"Suits me," Rat Capone accepts. The rat leads Dale over to one of two doors.

"No," says Dale, "I meant _this_ door," pointing to the other.

"I said _this_ door," Capone insists.

"Give me one good reason," Dale insists.

"I'll give you two," Capone says. Arnold and Sugar Ray step up behind Dale, who gulps.

The three rangers are tossed out of a trap door. Monty drops the crate, trapping them.

"Uh oh," Monty says.

Rat Capone and his goons exit the trap door. "Just as I thought," Capone says. "A trap."

"Monty, run!" yells Gadget.

Monty attempts to run, but is tripped by Sugar Ray's tail. Zipper begins to fly around Sugar Ray's head. "Oh boy," says Sugar Ray. "Lunch." He snaps his tongue at Zipper, and misses, catching a rope connector on the crate. The rope snaps, and Sugar Ray knocks himself a good one in the head. He goes down.

"Where are our manners?" Rat Capone asks. "Arnold. Sugar Ray. Show our guests to the Executive Suite." He starts laughing.

"Ha ha," says Arnold. "The what?"

"He means the sewer drain," Sugar Ray explains.

"Oh yeah," says Arnold. "I get it."

Arnold and Sugar Ray laugh. "You're really funny, boss," Sugar Ray assures him.

"Shaddap!" snaps Capone.

Sugar Ray and Arnold use gold forks to hustle the Rangers along. "You wouldn't be so brave if you didn't have those forks," Monty says, forgetting the fact he's been clobbered by these guys, unarmed, at least three times so far.

"Yeah," agrees Sugar Ray, apparently forgetting the same thing. "But we do got them. So move it, cheese breath." He pokes Monty with the fork, prompting an "Ow!"

They reach the sewer drain, which is at the bottom of a deep hole. "Well, it ain't uptown, but I trust you'll be comfortable," Rat Capone tells them. Sugar Ray and Arnold shove Monty, Chip, and Dale in.

Gadget looks down in horror and Capone turns to her. "Well, say goodbye to them, sweetheart." He steps toward her.

She pushes him back. "Keep away from me!"

"Take it easy, sister," Capone says, taking her hand. They struggle. "You know, I could use a smart mouth like you in my organization. You got spunk."

"Thanks."

"I hate spunk!"

Zipper pops a knothole out of a door and zips off to the rescue. "Sugar Ray," Rat Capone says. "Would you kindly draw their... baths?"

"I hope the temperature's to your liking," Sugar Ray says as he opens a faucet connected to a hose. The water washes them down the drain. Zipper grabs onto Monty's finger and is pulled down with him, Gadget gasps in horror.

"Oops," Capone says with mock terror. "The babies went out with the bath water." His henchmen start laughing. Capone advances on them.

"We know," they say in unison. "Shut up."

The boys are flushed out of the sewer and come to a bedraggled halt. Dale has a can over is head. "Gee, this sewer is dark and hollow," he says, until Chip pulls the can off.

"So is your head," Chip snaps, and bonks him.

"What do we do now?" asks Dale.

"Simple. Find our way back to Capone's hideout. And we've got the best radar in the world to do it."

"We do?"

"Sure! Monty's nose. Go on, Cheese-wiz, tune that sensational schnozz to Capone's cheese vault."

"Ugh," says Monty. "Don't even say that. I'm sick of cheese, fellas."

"I'll bet your reception is as good as ever," Dale taunts.

"Well," says Monty, attempting to trigger a cheese attack.

"Well?" asks Dale.

"Face it fellas," Monty sighs. "I've failed ya. The Cheese-wiz is a cheese-was."

Back at Capone's hideout, Capone is attempting to seduce Gadget. "Come on, beautiful," he says, "Give us a kiss." Gadget attempts to slap him, but he pulls his head into his collar. "There's that spunk again," he snaps. "Ah, come on sugar, be my moll." He zips over to her with a gold coin. "I'll give ya gold to buy anything you want, see? You'll be a, a shopping moll," and delivers the best single line of the episode.

The henchmen agree with this assessment and start laughing. Capone gives them the hairy eyeball. Gadget takes the coin and crowns him with it, saying "Here's what I think of your golden opportunity."

She tries to run, but it's hard in heels. Even Arnold is able to keep up with her. "I got her boss, I got her," Arnold says, diving for her, but Gadget jumps, reverses direction over his back, and send Arnold into the brick wall.

"Somebody get her!" Capone yells.

Sugar Ray gets her in a bag, saying "Sorry, sweetheart, you've been sacked."

"Good work, Sugar Ray," Capone tells him. "Introduce the little cut up to our weight reduction device."

"Did he rename the sewer again?" asks Arnold.

"I think he means the cheese slicer," Sugar Ray says hesitantly.

"Bingo," Capone says with a grin.

Out at the sewer, the chipmunks pace in a circle in front of a dejected Monty. "We've got to make Monty remember how much he loves cheese," Chip says.

"But how?" asks Dale.

Chip whispers to Dale for a moment, and they start an argument.

"I say cheddar," says Chip.

"Swiss!" Dale insists.

"Cheddar! Talk some sense into this lame brain, Monty. I say cheddar tastes best. He says Swiss."

"No," Monty informs the tyros. "Everybody knows the best tasting cheese is Brie '86."

"How come?" asks Dale.

"The aroma. The gentle way it nips at your taste buds."

"It's working," Chip nudges Dale.

"Ah, the color," Monty sighs, dreaming of a wedge of brie. "Why, brie '86 will melt the instant it touches the tongue." He touches his dream wedge, licks his finger, and has a cheese attack. He wanders off. "I smell cheese..."

Chip and Dale shake hands. "He took the cheese bait," Chip says. "Let's go!"

Gadget has been tied and laid on a conveyer belt. Ah, what would cartoon factories be without conveyer belts? This belt feeds the cheese slicer. A long view of the guillotine blade makes the threat clear. "This is your last chance," Rat Capone tells her. "Is you going to be my moll, or ain't ya?"

"Never, you gold plated phony!" Gadget replies.

"That was your last cut, sister," Capone tells her. He throws the machine into operation. "And this is mine!"

As Gadget struggles, the blade moves up and down and the belt moves her towards the blade.

Monty pops out of a drain, and hightails it into the cheese vault. Zipper, Chip and Dale leave the drain. Gadget screams.

"Hey you mugs," yells Capone. "Them cheese chiselers is back."

"Leave them to us, boss," Sugar Ray says. "We'll make cream cheese out of them."

"And we'll beat 'em up, too!" assures Arnold.

"Here comes trouble," says Dale "What'll we do now?"

Chip pulls two gold pins out of a pincushion and hands one to his chum. "Here you go, Dale."

"En garde," Dale challenges.

Sugar Ray takes two swords from a statue of a knight. "Here you are, Arnold. Time to play chop the furball."

Gadget is still on the conveyer belt. "Somebody help me before I'm minced moll. HE-E-ELPP!"

Meanwhile, in the cheese vault, Monty holds a wedge. "Gadget?" he asks. "Cheese... fight it, old boy...YOU MUST FIGHT IT!"

"Somebody! Hurry! Save me!"

Monty tosses the cheese away. "I'm coming, Gadget!"

"A few more seconds," Rat Capone tells the struggling Gadget, "and you'll be a mini-moll."

"Monty!" Gadget yells, seeing him bearing down on them.

"Him again!" snaps Capone. "I've got just the thing to stop that chedderhead."

Chip and Dale fence with Arnold and Sugar Ray. They seem reasonably well matched, and obviously too busy to come to Gadget's help.

"Quick, Monty. Untie me!" Gadget yells.

"Have you free in a jiff, Gadget love," Monty assures her, fumbling at the ropes (Rule 15 for heroes: just push them off the conveyer belt. Then untie them. It saves time.)

"Psst," says Capone, waving a piece of brie. "Hey, fuzzface. I've got something for you..."

"Monty? Monty?" Gadget asks, as Monty has a cheese attack.

"Oh no..." he sighs, being led away.

"Monterey!" yells Gadget.

"This way, fatso," Capone says. "Have some nice, fresh... brie."

"D - did you say ... _brie?_"

"That's right. Good year, too. '86, I think."

"'86..."

"Monty," yells Gadget. "Snap out of it!"

"But love," Monty tries to explain. "_It's Brie '86!_"

"But you're my only hope!"

"No, no. I can't. Fight it, Monty... fight it!" he gasps.

"The brie, Monty. The brie..." Capone coaxes him.

"I'll make debris out of you!" Monty yells, shoving the precious wedge down Capone's loathsome throat, and tossing him into a pile of gold.

"AAAK!" Gadget says, getting one last scream off before Monty races over and pulls her off the conveyer belt, in compliance with Rule 15.

"Oh, thank you," Gadget says, embracing Monty once he gets the ropes off. "Chip and Dale. They're in trouble."

Monty spies a watch on a chain. "This gives me an idea," he says, twirling it over his head and tossing it. The watch breaks a number of pipes which spout milk, and then tangles the feet of Sugar Ray and Arnold. They fall to the ground, and Chip and Dale run their helpless opponents through. Just kidding. Actually, they walk forward.

The Rangers all walk into shot and yell "Rescue Rangers, Away!" The helpless slaves cheer and wave their hands. The audience flips them the bird for not helping to fight for their own freedom. Capone is swept away in a flood of milk. "Help!" he chokes. "I can't swim!" He goes under. Someday, though, the Rangers may have to face a villain who can. Be afraid.

Milk blasts open a door, unleashing a flood of bovine lacteal fluid. The Rangers ride a milk carton to safety, Monty calling out "Steady as she goes, mate!"

As Capone and his henchmen sink down the sewer drain, Gadget gives them a farewell: "There they go. Down the sewer where they belong."

"So much for the cheese shortage," Chip observes, looking at the vast lake of moo juice. "The dairies will have no trouble finding the leaks in their milk tanks now."

"And I'm a changed mouse," says Monterey. "From now on, I'll mind my cheese and Q's. First thing tomorrow." He has a cheese attack and leaps off the milk carton after a wedge.

"This time he's earned it. Right guys?" asks Gadget.

"Too right!" they agree.

 

Rescue Rangers and all characters and episodes copyright the Walt Disney Corporation and used without permission.

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