This is the Rangerity Test. It measures rangerity- that is, how rangery you are. It serves three basic purposes: one, to help you discover whether you should be living in a tree and fighting the forces of evil; two, to separate rangerity from the more widespread, more accepted, but often related gadgetism; and three, to rip off the Purity Test yet again and call it an original creative work.
Everything's worth a point. There are 400 questions, for now. Yes-or-no stuff.
The author, btw, does not denounce gadgetism in any way, shape, or form. In fact, the author practices both Ranger- and Gadget- worship. While you will earn a few more points by being infatuated with Gadget, it is by no means a requirement.
The Rangerity Test is not lenient; to get 100%, you would probably have to be either under the age of ten, or Chip himself. So if you get anything over about 15%, consider yourself a Rangerdictorian. There's a score summary at the end. If your low scores deject you, think of them not in percentage, but in proof.
Oh, and all technicalities count, because rangerity is an asset.
"Well, let's get to work." -Chip
Part 1. Exposure (how corrupted are you?)
|Have you ever seen Chip n' Dale?|
|Have you ever seen Disney's Chip n' Dale Rescue Rangers?|
|Have you ever seen Saban's Adventures of the Rescue Rangers?|
|Have you ever seen Fat Cat?|
|Have you ever seen Prof. Norton Nimnul?|
|Do you know the names of all five Rescue Rangers?|
|...and the honorary one?|
|Do you know which is Chip and which is Dale? (if you have to think about it at all, the answer is no)|
|Have you seen, in your estimation, more than 10 hours of Rescue Rangers?|
|More than 100 hours?|
|...in a week?|
|Have you ever seen Sewer Al? (not Sewernose de Bergerac. Sewer Al appears only in print.)|
|The Ranger Plane (the bleach bottle)|
|The Ranger Wing? (the flashlight)|
|A villain crying? (Deseret de Lure excluded)|
|Cheese that was Swiss even if it was Cheddar?|
|Someone speaking Gummi?|
|Chip without his hat?|
|Chip remove his hat?|
|Dale wearing Chip's hat?|
|Monty without his hat?|
|Gadget without her goggles?|
|A group of definitely more than 50 animals of the same species?|
|An episode you're sure once had different dialogue?|
|...and you can summarize the old dialogue?|
|An episode you're sure once had a different title?|
|...and you know it?|
|An episode you're sure has had animation added?|
|An episode you're sure has had animation (ex)changed?|
|An episode you're sure has had animation removed?|
|An episode you heard, possibly over the Net, had had animation removed?|
|...and you think that's correct?|
|Chip's voice coming out of Dale?|
|Dale's voice coming out of Chip?|
|Monty's voice coming out of Gadget? (Has happened.)|
|Gadget actually involved in a wild take?|
|Monty's baby pictures?|
|Chip asking Gadget to sexually manipulate the enemy?|
|A Hidden Mickey? (Yes, there's at least one.)|
|Zipper with legs as long as his body?|
|Monty embarrassing himself ("Well, ole Monterey Jack's had his share of romantic entanglements." We didn't really want to know that, Monty.)|
|A submarine of Gadget's that was not destroyed by an octopus by the end of the show?|
|Any submarine that neither blew away nor was destroyed?|
|Gadget floundering in melted marshmallow?|
|Someone getting shocked?|
|...revealing bone structure?|
|Zipper getting shocked?|
|Monty getting shocked?|
|Dale getting shocked?|
|Chip getting shocked?|
|Gadget getting shocked so badly that her hair sticks out like a hedgehog in a vacuum?|
|A disproportionate badger in tights?|
|Exploding cheese soup?|
|Chip hitting on Gadget?|
|Dale hitting on Gadget?|
|Gadget actually aware of it?|
Part 2. Collection A- The Cartoon
Have you in a collection, as opposed to have-you-seen...
|At least 10 episodes of CDRR?|
|Technically, every episode of CDRR?|
|...including To The Rescue?|
|...the movie version?|
|Every version of every episode of CDRR?|
|A CDRR promo?|
|...that you can find on your tapes?|
|The Christmas promo? (lucky bum)|
|The teaser? (Chip and Dale jump out of a walnut and ambush Fat Cat)|
|A Disney Afternoon "countdown" advertisement?|
|...the one with the footage of Gadget dancing before the microphone? (I don't suppose you want to send me it out of the kindness of your dear, sweet little heart...?)|
|The old Disney Afternoon segue?|
|...which shows Gadget getting painted?|
|A third-party ad (Froot Loops, McDonalds, et al.) with CDRR?|
|...more than 3?|
|CDRR in an exotic language? (.avi's and .moov's off the Net/Web count. French if you live in British Canada doesn't; it's too easy.)|
|...that you went overseas to get?|
|CDRR screen captures?|
|...by Liz Kalter?|
|...that you gasped at and promptly threw out? (that wouldn't be Liz Kalter.)|
|...that you purchased?|
|....at a Disney park?|
|...that you made?|
|...not of Gadget in her red dress?|
|CDRR sound bites?|
|...that play on startup of your computer, entry of your room, or raiding of the fridge? ("Sorry mate, everything in moderation.")|
|Any article in a magazine mentioning Rescue Rangers?|
|The Fall 1989 Disney News?|
|Ever cheered aloud when you found an episode you didn't have?|
|A collection of previews? (the teasers that played on TDA and after Ducktales before that)|
|An episode the general public never saw? (I will not believe you if you claim access to the script of "Gadget Does Duckburg.")|
|Ever bought episodes- the prerecorded tapes or a third-party dub?|
|Have you ever sold episodes, advertisements, or cels?|
|Do you have an episode list with descriptions and/or ratings?|
|...that you made?|
Part 3. Collection B: The Comic
|A CDRR Comic?|
|More than one?|
|...all of them?|
|...all you could find?|
|...multiple copies of one?|
|...multiple copies of multiples?|
|The Secret Casebook?|
|...more than one?|
|Ever hated Issue 7? (The stories onboard the Pi-Rat ship after "The King of Beasts Caper.")|
|Ever hated Issue 14? (the French stories)|
|Ever commented aloud on how you hated either #7 or #14?|
|Ever grumbled that you had the most copies of your least favorite issue?|
|Ever had friends give your CDRR Comics?|
|Ever said to anyone, "The joke's on you, you overstuffed blowhard!"?|
|Ever written to CDRR Comic?|
|...and been in print?|
|....more than once?|
|...ever written arguing on the "who's gonna get Gadget" issue?|
|...and voted for Dale?|
|Ever collected old Chip n' Dale comics?|
|Ever collected Disney Adventures' Rescue Ranger comics?|
|...and given up on them in disgust?|
|Ever had a CDRR comic stolen?|
|...and gotten it back with a little lightning bolt stuck on it?|
Part 4. Collection C: Merchandise
A quick note: All of these products really exist or have existed. With the googolplex of RR items that were made, you'd think they would be easy to find. Sadly, most are now as elusive as Gadget's mother.
|Ever been to a Disney Store?|
|...when you go there, and a Cast Member starts to give the spiel about videos you might not have, do you say, "Try me!"?|
|Do you own the Disney Afternoon soundtrack?|
|...have you worn out the part with the second song on it?|
|....and it's a CD??|
|Seen the Rescue Ranger version of WD's World on Ice?|
|Merchandise to prove it?|
|A Chip n' Dale T-shirt?|
|A Rescue Ranger T-shirt?|
|The Gadget-Zipper T-shirt?|
|...and it never fit you?|
|....that you sent away for?|
|...figurine with vehicle? (non-McDonald's)|
|....with all the correct parts??|
|....all of the vehicles???|
|.....with all of the correct parts?!?!|
|......and even the Happy Meal boxes?!?!?!|
|...set of drapes?|
|...both pencil toppers?|
|....more than one set?|
|...Froot Loops sticker?|
|....all of them?|
|....all of them?|
|Have you used the pic of the "treasure chest of prizes" on the album to gauge your "progress"?|
|got everything yet?|
|Have you a CDRR video game? (or have a friend whose you steal)|
|....and you don't have a system?|
|...any CDRR Golden Book?|
|..."Disney's CDRR The Big Cheese Caper"?|
|...a CDRR read-along?|
|....two of them?|
|..."CDRR The Missing Eggs Caper"?|
|..."The Rescue Rangers Save Little Red"? ("`We can try out my new boat,' said Gadget. `Is it safe?' asked Dale. `We will see,' said Gadget.")|
|...the Playskool Chip n' Dale plush?|
|...the Disney Store plush?|
|...the little Disney Store Plush?|
|...are you not yet lost?|
|...popout pencil case?|
|...a map of Toontown?|
|...Disney 20 Questions?|
|....does everyone refuse to play it with you?|
|....have you taken out the Chip n' Dale card to be fair (or to frame?)|
|...CDRR porcelain figures?|
|...Froot Loops box?|
|...CDRR fudge bars box?|
|...CDRR fudge bars? (eww.)|
|..."Kazoo With the Disney Afternoon"?|
|...a Disney Afternoon postcard?|
|...all 5 CDRR puzzles?|
|...a bendy figure? (woo!)|
|...the Dale keychain?|
|...collector cards with bios and signatures?|
|Do you find none of this unreasonable?|
|Can you name an CDRR article not mentioned yet?|
|Did you actually win the Panini contest?|
|Is Chip a captive in your basement?|
Part 5. Attitude
232)Have you ever tried raw acorns?
233)Do you often think of walking around without pants? (well, more than you used to.)
234)Do you euphemise? Do you often find yourself saying:
239)"this is so strange"?
242)"(gasp) Oh, my gosh!!"?
243)"uh-oh, we've got a problem"?
244)"are you cuh-razy?"
246)"in a jif"?
251)"the walrus thought so"?
252)Do you have a list of Ranger quotes?
253)Do you have a list of Gadgetisms?
256)Do you have trouble talking about A... Al... the other `chipmunks'?
257)Do you think Gadget is emotionally stronger than Jasmine?
258)Have you ever had a Rescue Ranger handle, code name, RPG/MU* character, nickname, license plate, credit card, PIN, or voter's registration?
259)Do you sleep on Tinkertoys?
260)Have you ever been arrested for sitting on the ceiling fan of any law enforcement office?
261)Have you ever been a vigilante?
262)Have you ever abused helium for the voice effect?
263)...and then sung "The Fat Cat Stomp?"
264)Have you ever had a hankering for cheese?
265)Have you ever put marshmallows in a make-your-own-volcano kit?
266)Have you ever kept an eye out for that certain fedora (so you could put earholes in it?)
267)Have you ever dressed entirely in purple?
268)Have you ever dressed up specifically as a Ranger?
271)Do you not wear makeup?
272)Do you enjoy the taste of machine oil?
273)...did you try it anyway?
274)Can you make cheese chowder?
276)...Triple-Decker Frosted Cheese Surprise?
277)Do you want to see Toontown mostly to see Chip, Dale, and Gadget?
278)Have you been to Toontown?
279)...did you beg to go in the acorn crawl?
280)...did a sympathetic Cast Member allow you to?
281)...did you ride the Go Coaster?
282)....did you ignore the unscariness of the Go Coaster and yell anyway, or did you scream when you saw the line?
283)...did you see the treehouse?
284)...did you see Gadget's house?
285)Have you eaten more Froot Loops than you care to recall for the stickers?
286)Do you sleep in goggles?
287)Does every drink taste better in a thimble?
288)Have you written a Rescue Ranger story, or story with RR characters?
289)Have you written a musical version of "To the Rescue"?
290)Have you written Iron Goose .mods? (music)
291)Has anyone ever told you, in as many words, "I don't know why you like this Rescue Chipmunk thing. Chip and Dale were so much cuter before- Chip's the one with the nose, right?"
292)Have you ever broken up with someone who disliked Rescue Rangers?
293)...because they did?
Part 6. Reality Check
294)Do you have a "thing" for any Rescue Ranger?
295)...have you ever?
296)...outside your usual sexual orientation?
297)Is/was the Ranger NOT Gadget?
298)Do you own a dollhouse?
299)...just in case they show up?
300)...and you're currently over age seven?
301)Have you argued passionately over whether Gadget wears a jumpsuit or overalls?
302)Do you want everyone involved in Power Rangers dead specifically because they ripped off the CDRR name and logo? (No other reason counts, we know there are lots of them...)
303)Do you eat Corn Pops because they resemble Puffy Wuffies?
304)...have you found a closer match?
305)Have you tried to find the 800-number for Cookoo Cola?
306)Have you never been to Toontown because it would mean admitting Rescue Rangers is over?
307)...because it would mean admitting Rescue Rangers isn't real?
308)Have you ever been deeply worried that her personal losses may have made Gadget deeply afraid of intimate relationships, and that she will miss out on the joyfulness of true love?
309)...are you more concerned that her latest widget might kill Monty?
310)Do you assume Zipper is fastidiously hygienic?
311)Do you often see the occurances in "Song of the Nightendale" (your bed flying around, fish in the closet, magic bedposts, Zipper kissing Monty?)
312)Have you ever gotten in an intense Rescue Rangers debate?
313)...to the point of shouting?
314)...concerning Gadget's love life?
315)...concerning RR's relevancy to life?
316)...concerning whether Chip and Dale are related?
317)...concerning no one; in fact, everyone got up and left?
318)Are you less than one foot tall?
319)Do you have a tail?
320)Are you fuzzy?
321)Are you a Rescue Ranger?
322)...by virtue of the badge you got in a 1989 Happy Meal?
323)...because you are Monty's forgotten offspring?
324)...because you live in a tree?
325)...because you once met Tad Stones?
326)...did you convince any analysts you were right?
Part 7. Knowledge
Do you know...
327)What a Gribbish is?
328)The name of Gadget's father?
329)...where he is now?
330)The names of Monterey's parents?
331)...where they are now? (Yeah, right. (: )
332)The name of any Rescue Ranger, the term, "Rescue Ranger," the show's title, or any RR villains' names, in a foreign language?
333)the names of all five writers of "To the Rescue?"
334)Monterey Jack's nickname?
335)...that his mother gave him?
336)The number of times the word "lumber" has been said in the series, including "lumber mill," whether it's really a compound word or not?
337)Do you know which (former) Rangers live in Toontown, Disneyland?
338)The number on Chip n' Dale's badge?
Were you aware before reading this that:
339)Gadget's last name is Hackwrench? (I should hope so...)
340)Cookoo Cola was all over Gadget long before Darkwing drank it?
341)Disney screwed up the rights to Rescue Rangers and TaleSpin?
342)...do you know the details?
343)Monty was once engaged?
344)There are baby pictures of Monty?
345)"Out of Scale" is the name of both a CDRR episode and a Chip n' Dale short?
346)The couch in the RR's living room has three sections, and is blue?
347)There are three conflicting accounts of Monty's favorite cheese?
348)Both versions of Dirty Rotten Diapers really suck rocks?
349)There is an World Wide Web site called the Ranger-List?
350)Chip is the one with the black nose?
351)Dinosaurs were really superintelligent aliens?
352)According to Jim Cummings, Carol Channing once played Canina la Fur topless? (There were extenuating circumstances...)
353)The floweroids on Dale's shirt each have five petals?
354)Gadget was based on a character in Real Genius? (old Val Kilmer movie)
355)...if not, does it all make sense now?
356)The Jets performed the Rescue Rangers Theme for the Disney Afternoon album?
357)"Catteries Not Included" was the first CDRR episode?
358)The RR's are mentioned in passing in Bonkers, the Pi-Rats are seen in Bonkers, and there is RR dialogue in Darkwing Duck?
359)Monty is not a rat?
360)Do you know who Tad Stones, Jymn Magon and Kevin Hopps are?
361)Do you know who Jim Cummings and Rob Paulsen are?
362)Do you know who Scott Saavedra and Hector Saavedra (no relation) are?
363)Have you used any of their names falsely?
364)...were you caught by someone who recognized them?
Part 8. Fanaticism
365)Can you recite all of "To the Rescue?"
366)Can you recite all of more than 30 episodes?
367)Can you tell the difference between all 6 variations of the CDRR theme and/or segue? (this counts different sound effects in the segue)
368)Can you hum or whistle all three versions of the music in the end titles? (one, exclusive to the Disney Afternoon, is from the score. The other two are variations on the theme song.)
369)Have you memorized parts of the CDRR score?
370)...do you have favorite parts?
371)Do you hum or whistle the score when alone?
372)...when in a crowded room?
373)...in the shower?
374)Can you sing "The Fat Cat Stomp"?
376)Can you sing "The Best of Everything"?
377)Can you sing "You're the Best Bee for Me"?
378)...without being annoying?
379)Can you sing "Pirates of Peejama"?
380)Do you frown every time you see a character miscolored?
381)Do you have a rather embarrassing habit of bowing before the Rescue Ranger display at any local Disney Store, while chanting, "Hail to the Great Almighty Gadget Shrine, may you always watch over this most humble store!"? (Substitute another Ranger, if you like. Honestly, I do this every time I go to the Disney Store, and no one's thrown me out.)
382)Have you ever lost sleep over an episode?
383)Can you imitate a Rescue Ranger? (Voices need not apply, as helium is rather expensive. So we'll stick with attitude and speech patterns.)
384)...all of them?
385)Have you ever torn your hair out figuring out just what color something is? (Gadget's hair, Zipper's wings, whathaveya)
386)Do you remember the day To the Rescue or CDRR premiered? (for To the Rescue, in most parts of the U.S., it was October 15 or 16, 1989.)
387)Do you remember the first week's programming?
388)Can you draw a Rescue Ranger?
389)...all of them?
390)Can you remember the episode that played on a day significant to you?
391)Have you written Captain Spiffo comics?
392)...Rubber Bando comics?
393)Have you watched CDRR since it premiered?
394)...on the Disney Channel?
395)Have you ever picketed Mickey's Toontown, screaming, "Let in the muscle mouse!!"?
396)Do you eat only off your RR partyware?
397)Have you ever named a pet after a Rescue Ranger?
398)Did you name your firstborn Chip?
399)...Charles, so your partner wouldn't suspect?
400)Can you prove your rangerity in a way that isn't listed here?
EC1)If you can recite the names of all the episodes without looking, your rangerity is assumed to be 100% unless you're not sure which is Chip and which is Dale, in which case your rangerity stands.
And quicker than you can say, "Oh, look! There's a genie with a blowtorch," you're done! Add `em up, divide by four, add one of those squiggly little percent thingies, and there's your rangerity.
0-1%. You are dead, no fun, or very, very busy. And if you're so busy, why'd you take this test?
2-3%. You would not recognize Fat Cat if you met him on the street.
4-6%. You probably think Irweena Allen is a pharmaceutical company.
7-9%. You have seen more than one episode.
10-12%. You are Rescue-Ranger savvy.
12-15%. You are Rescue-Ranger proficient.
16-20%. You are a Rangerdictorian. (You have also crossed the threshold and should rightly profess your rangerity.)
21-25%. You pant when you see an RR cel in a catalogue.
26-30%. If you own Rescue Ranger sheets, you sleep on `em every night.
31-40%. You've almost gotten that bleach bottle you've been fiddling with airborne.
41-50%. You have a recurring dream about finding lost RR episodes and merchandise. It annoys you.
51-60%. Small children think you're too caught up in the show.
61-70%. You are the biggest fan within a hundred-mile radius.
71-80%. Forty-five percent of Gadget's inventions make perfect sense to you.
81-90%. You claim your birthdate is in mid-October, 1989.
91-95%. Zipper comes over to your place for cards every week.
96-99%. You're hooked up to intravenous Gorgonzola.
100%. Either you've got a good memory, or you are the purest embodiment of all that is Ranger. You spend many a lovely, moonlit night lying on your sponge bed, singing to yourself, "Come along, you belong..." All the unenlightened do not understand, but you know the real meaning of life. You never wear shoes, you bake muffins for the local police force every day, you own Disney stock, and every night you pray that somehow the series will return. Congratulations, you're officially Rangery. Just try not to do to much damage when you're out saving the city. Oh, and remember... Cookoo Cola can stain.
C. Courtnier, Sidney, BC.